I’m not going to lie to you: lately I’ve been feeling pretty effing crappy.

Maybe it’s the planets, maybe it’s hormones, or maybe life has really just decided to throw it all at me at once, but the past month has been a serious struggle, you guys. You know how sometimes something bad happens, and you’re like “oh well, look on the bright side!” And then something else happens and you’re like “hmm, well that sucks,” and then it just doesn’t stop until you’re finally like “if I so much as SEE the words ‘bright side’ I am going to FLIP A TABLE”? Yeah, that’s about the size of it.

The reason I started this blog was to help people. I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs in my life and I’m so proud of my ability to overcome every card I’ve been dealt so far. I feel like I’ve learned incredibly valuable insights about these times and how to move past them if they happen again, and I want to share that insight if I can – to help others who might be having similar struggles. I love writing blog posts about paths I’ve found through the woods, how I’ve dealt (and still deal) when things get rough.

That said, you’ve probably noticed it’s been pretty dang quiet around here lately.

The truth is, as much as I’ve learned, as much as I’ve handled, and as much as I feel like I should be better than this, sometimes you really just get blinded by the crap. I don’t think there’s a person alive who truly has so much control over their emotions that they never think “seriously, why me?” If that person does exist, they’re on another level and probably should have their own blog instead of reading mine. Share your secrets, dude!!

When you run a spiritual blog, there’s a real pressure to have all the answers. I mean, in a way you’re straight-up SAYING you have the answers, you know? Maybe not all of them, but sometimes even the ones you DO have fail you. It’s hard to admit when things go south because it’s like well, if I can’t deal with this on my own, why should anyone believe what I have to say about dealing with anything else? This month I’ve been angry, upset, anxious, heartbroken, stressed, frustrated, and feeling like a victim all at once. I feel totally unlike myself. And as much as I objectively know how to deal with many of these feelings, I really just haven’t been able to put any of those mechanisms into place to stop the barrage of negativity.

Because of that, I haven’t really been in much of a mind to post lately. I dropped the ball on my New Moon newsletter towards the beginning of the month, my social media engagement has been halfhearted at best, and blog posts have been down to a trickle. It feels two-faced to talk about answers when I feel like I don’t have the ones I need right now. How can I help anyone if I can’t help myself?

But something happened when I was scrolling through blogs about blogging, frantically searching for blog post topics I could apply to my blog in time for today’s post. (Say “blog” one more time, Dana.) Which of these would relate to my site? I wondered, looking at ideas like “your nightly routine” or “favorite movies and why.” Which of these is spiritual? Slowly, though, as I brainstormed more and more ways to relate these seemingly unrelated topics to my spiritual blog, I came to a realization that probably should have been a little more obvious from the beginning, and it kind of changed my game:

All of it is spiritual.

All of it. How you care for yourself, the things that resonate with you, the way you interact with the world – all of that is spirituality. It’s you, as a human, and the things that are important to you, the things that make you feel whole, the things that move you to feeling and the ways you navigate life. It’s even – maybe especially – the crap.

Dealing with negative emotions is a huge part of being human. It happens to everyone, probably even at least once a day – road rage, for one, or disappointment that the coffee shop is out of caramel syrup, or Instagram-induced jealousy, or getting annoyed because the person next to you on the bus is chewing their gum SO loudly, were they raised in a barn??? You hear all the time about ways to deal with these emotions, and you hear that sometimes you just have to let yourself feel them, but what’s supposed to console you when you’re in the middle of feeling like absolute trash?

Let it be this: remember that this is the journey, too. Paths through the woods don’t just appear – they must first be tread, sometimes many times over. If your previous coping mechanisms aren’t working for you, it might be because something about this experience is new. Reflect on that. (It can be an angry reflection, or a sad crying one with wine. I’ll never judge.) You aren’t less spiritual or less in-tune with your higher self because you get pissed when the neighbor’s dog wakes you up at 4 in the morning or you have a long-standing grudge against a family member. Spirituality isn’t just about being at peace with yourself and the world around you – it’s about how you get there, and what you do to get back to it when that peace is interrupted. There is no constant state of bliss. There’s only life, crap and all.

So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to my self-induced hermitude for a while. I’m going to drink some wine and cuss it out and probably do something really stupid all in the name of regaining my inner peace. But you know what? If it’s stupid enough, I bet I’ll never do it again. And learning from your mistakes while you’re figuring it all out, in the pursuit of becoming better, in the name of learning how to live? If that’s not pretty damn spiritual, I don’t know what is.