This post is probably going to be a bit on the rambly side, so I apologize in advance, but I thought it would be fitting to start off the new year with some musings on my current spirituality and where I am in my path (both for my own reference and so you know what you’re getting into by reading my posts, haha!)

I also just want to let you guys know that even if your spiritual path is very different from mine, please don’t feel unwelcome or unwanted in this space. This blog is for everyone, and even if we have different opinions or experiences I think we can learn so much from each other! With that said, here are a few thoughts on my current spiritual beliefs and what my plans are for 2018.

The things I know for sure: my spirituality is deeply rooted in the earth. I believe humanity’s salvation lies in reconnecting with nature and in empathy for all living creatures. I don’t kill or harm anything or anyone in my practice (although I’m all for other people cursing if that’s what works for them!) I’m interested in learning more about plants and how to work with them medicinally and spiritually, and volunteering outside to tend the earth is high on my priority list for this year.

I’m not vegan, but I am mindful about the food I eat and where it comes from. I eat mostly plant-based with some organic, humanely raised meat thrown in the mix. I think it’s important that when financially possible, we support companies that are working to do good in the world even if it costs a little extra. But I also feel strongly that diet is personal and eating organic is a privilege. Not every diet can or will work for everyone, and not everyone is in a place where they can afford to pay more for the food they eat and that’s okay.

I believe that we are all energy and that energy connects us all. I believe there is a collective consciousness that we can all access if we so choose. I believe that crystals are powerful tools for healing and that tarot can help us unlock our deepest secrets. I believe, to an extent, in reincarnation, although this is a belief that needs further exploring to put my finger on exactly what I think. I follow the Wheel of the Year and the cycles of the moon, and these help me stay grounded.

I’ve never been in a coven and I’m still not sure if it would be right for me (if only because my own path is kind of all over the place, so it would be hard to find a group of people that were 100% on board with the things I believe) but I do think I’ll be seeking out some in-person Pagan groups or meetups in 2018. The solitary path can be incredibly lonely, and it would be so fun to have a group to celebrate the Sabbats or have deep spiritual conversations with. If you know of any groups in the Nashville area, let me know – I’d love to check them out!

In 2017 I went back to my roots and did some reading about Wicca. When I first started my path I knew that wasn’t the right road for me – I knew that in order to discover what felt right for me, I couldn’t ascribe to anything with its own set of rules or structure. Now, though, I find myself craving more structure in my practice, and I’ve sort of done the opposite of what most people do: people tend to start with Wicca and then leave in favor of finding their own path, but I’m drifting more towards Wicca now that I realize how much my own path aligns with it.

In real life I tend to tell people I’m Wiccan because it’s easier than explaining the concept of witchcraft, but it’s not really that simple. I struggle with the idea of deities as beings – I can get on board with deities as a form of energy, but I don’t think that working with them as actual divine beings is something that will ever work for me. That’s a core tenet of Wicca, of course, is working with the God and the Goddess, so it feels wrong to want to call myself that if I can’t get on board with what’s at the heart of the belief, but I’ve also read that there are non-theistic Wiccans so who knows? It’s something I’ll be investigating more in 2018 for sure, as well as unpacking my resistance to working with deities and whether that’s a true belief or if something is holding me back.

I don’t know why I feel such a strong need to label myself or why I balk at referring to myself as a witch outside of this community. I think I’m really just afraid of being judged or misunderstood, which is a silly way to live your life. I’m hoping 2018 will bring some answers about the direction of my path and what’s right for me.

Towards the end of 2017, I really fell off the wagon when it came to spiritual practice. I felt so fulfilled over the summer by routinely making time for meditation, gratitude, and ritual, but these things were first to fall by the wayside once things got chaotic in the fall and into winter. I’m hoping I can find a balance of doing these things regularly in 2018 without feeling guilty or ashamed if I just can’t or don’t want to make the time for one reason or another. It’s hard carving out space for yourself when you don’t live alone, but I think for my own spiritual health I’m going to have to find a way.

Druidry is something I’m still very interested in. Moving to Nashville gives me the opportunity to connect with a new environment and I’m planning on learning as much as I can about the local plant and wildlife. I’m going to start the Druidry course from the OBOD over again once I move to Nashville, since it seemed kind of silly to go through all the effort of learning about Wisconsin’s natural wonders when I knew I was going to be leaving.

This year I wondered a lot about Jesus. I was raised Catholic and taught the religion through what was essentially brainwashing from an early age. Once I broke away from that religion I resisted any mention of Jesus and I still feel panicky when surrounded by deeply Christian people. (Not because I have anything against people who are Christian, but just because it gives me flashbacks to my uncomfortable youth.)

The problem I’m having now is that I’ve had Jesus come up as a “sign” at several points in the past few years, but I can’t tell if it’s an actual sign I should trust or if it’s my subconscious coming back to haunt me. I know there are Christian witches out there and believing in Jesus doesn’t mean my path thus far has been wrong, but I just feel deeply distressed that I can’t trust my own mind or experiences on this.

I don’t think this is something I’m ready to deal with yet, but at some point in the future I think I’ll look more into Christian witchcraft or those who work with Jesus as an Ascended Master just to hear about other peoples’ experiences. I harbor a lot of resentment towards my Catholic upbringing because I’m still dealing with the repercussions of it today, and I think I’m going to need to do a lot of work to heal my soul before I can look at any aspect of Christianity objectively.

(Don’t worry, guys – I’d never pull a Doreen Virtue on y’all. Just some thoughts I’ve been having lately.)

It seems to me that my times of soul work come in cycles. 2014 was a big year for that, and so was 2016. I’m thinking that as soon as the dust settles from my big move to Nashville, 2018 will end up being the same. I’m really looking forward to learning as much as I can and finding small, simple ways to integrate my spirituality into my daily life even when things get busy. Here’s to a new year and to figuring out where to go from here!

If you have any experiences with any of this, or if you have any resources you’d like to recommend, let me know in the comments – I’d love to hear your thoughts!