This lesson is an excerpt from The Modern Witch’s Guide to Samhain, the newest e-course from the Lavender + Lupine School of Magick! For $15, you can get 12 lessons like this that will help you celebrate Samhain in style. I hope you enjoy this preview of the course!
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A dumb supper is the tradition of hosting a dinner party where everyone must be silent the entire time. The idea is that, while the veil is thin, the spirits of the dead are better able to commune with the living—but only if you’re listening. A symbolic place is set for the spirits, either adorned with photos and mementos as an invitation for a specific loved one or left plain to be more general. Everyone then enjoys a meal together in silence.
The dumb supper is a way to honor the dead as well as to make room for any messages they might have for us. (I will mention, though, that although silence is encouraged, this will not be a pleasant experience for anyone who hates the sound of chewing. Soft, instrumental music may be played in the background to provide a bit of white noise if needed.)
If you’d like to host your own dumb supper this year, either solo or with a group, here are some ideas!
The Menu
What does one eat at a dumb supper? Of course any meal would do, but this is a great opportunity to be intentional and to choose relevant, symbolic foods or dishes. Foods associated with Samhain are always appropriate, of course, but you might want to consider taking that a step further and serving foods traditionally associated with the afterlife.
For example, pomegranates are heavily associated with the story of Persephone and the underworld, so those are a great thing to incorporate. Wine, mead, and olive oil have been common offerings to the dead throughout history, and wine and mead have the added benefit of putting us in a slightly hazy state, which some people find helps them tap into their magic or overcome their inhibitions. (Please imbibe responsibly – I certainly do not advocate for drunken spirit work!)
More ideas: cook dishes relevant to your cultural heritage, things your ancestors would have enjoyed when they were alive. Alternately, if you follow a particular historical tradition of witchcraft or Paganism, you can make dishes from that culture as well. See if there are any foods associated with your deities, if you have any. Craft a menu that’s meaningful to you and your guests. You might even want to make this a potluck and ask each person to bring a dish that’s relevant to them.
The Decor
The room and decor should be very dark. A black tablecloth is traditional, as is lighting the room with only candles. This is to help heighten your senses and make you more aware of sensations other than sight alone.
It’s ideal to set a place for each person as well as one extra for the spirits. If you could set an extra place for each person that will be present, that would be great, but most tables are not that big! While the dinner can be as formal or casual as you’d like it to be, it’s fun to dress things up and break out the fine china if you can – not to mention it’s more respectful to the dead. Some people like to drape the spirit chair in a black or white cloth as a symbolic gesture.
Typically the more black, the better. If you have black plates, napkins, and serving bowls that’s great. If not, you can decide whether to buy paper ones or if it’s more important to you to have a very formal vibe.
Since no one will be allowed to speak during the meal, plan in advance for your guests’ needs. Clearly label where the restrooms are if your guests are new to your home, and make sure each end of the table has salt and pepper shakers as well as any other garnishes the meal might need. No one will be able to ask if they need something passed, so this is important for the enjoyment of your guests!
Other than that, try to keep the decorations classy. While it’s a spooky time of year, it could be considered disrespectful to deck out your home with cartoony Halloween decorations when you’re expecting visitors from the other side.
The Dinner
Now all that’s left is to host the dinner! The idea is that no one speaks throughout the entire time they are in the dining room. I don’t think it’s cheating if you have a little huddle beforehand though, where you explain what’s happening, what sort of experiences to be aware of, and how the guests will be served. You might also want to begin by cleansing the energy of the room and/or casting a circle if that’s part of your practice.
No one should begin eating until everyone is served, including the spirit chair, and you might want to start with a silent prayer or message to the spirits, your deities, or the universe.
During the dinner, try to stay aware and anticipate the needs of your guests. Work out a signal for if someone needs a drink refill and have a clear signal for when the dinner is concluded.
After the meal, you can either silently disband or move to an adjoining room to contemplate the experience. You can use this time to share memories of your loved ones, lead the group in a ritual, or continue to commune with the spirits through methods such as divination.
I would recommend having everyone write down their experiences so they can continue looking back on this night and processing any messages they received in the days to come. Sometimes messages from the other side can be vague until it clicks into place later.
While there should be some strict enforcing of the no-talking rule, this is only a good time if everyone enjoys themselves. You can take some liberties with the way you do things in order to make yourself and your guests comfortable. Most importantly, though, understand that some of your guests might have an emotional reaction, whether it’s sadness, fear, joy, or something else entirely. Be prepared to hold space for them after and comfort them in whatever way they need.
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If you liked this lesson, consider picking up The Modern Witch’s Guide to Samhain for just $15! We’d love to have you in class! <3
