- Serena 6 Comments

6 ways to indulge in self-love on valentine’s day and beyond

6 ways to celebrate self-love

Story time: I’ve always freaking loved Valentine’s Day. Pink is one of my favorite colors and chocolate is my favorite anything, so an excuse to eat candy and roll around in heart-shaped decor all day sounds just about perfect to me. I really never got why it’s a touchy day for some people, because even when I was single I was just happy to eat all the chocolates with mysterious fillings from the assortment box that everyone else was too scared to try. Valentine’s Day was the best day… until college, and the Great Breakup of 2014.

Breaking up after an almost five-year relationship sucks no matter what, but it sucks extra when it happens a mere few weeks before Valentine’s Day. Suddenly, it wasn’t about the chocolate anymore, but about the fact that I was certainly doomed to be single forever and ever and never find love again.

Things I did that Valentine’s Day: ate half a pizza, ate all the chocolate in the house, drank an entire bottle of wine, ate the other half of the pizza, third-wheeled my roommate’s Tinder date because I didn’t want to be alone, hoofed it across town in a super-short dress even though it was below zero outside, drank ALL the gin, and then posted a million smiling selfies to Facebook with my mostly-unwilling friends JUST IN CASE my ex was creeping. Because nothing says “you messed up when you left me” like getting trashed and posting the same selfie from 12 different angles, all of them showing a little too much boob.

Obviously this was not a sustainable or healthy way to spend my time. Getting all of your sense of worth from what other people think of you, especially exes, is never going to grant you lasting happiness. You have to love yourself if you want to really, truly feel sexy and secure. I know, I know – that’s easier said than done, and as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t by any means believe you need to love yourself before someone else can love you. How many of us REALLY can say we love ourselves? (I wrote a little more about this here.) I think my relationship with myself can be charitably described as more of a tolerant roommate situation than a full-on lovefest.

To help all of us get there, I’ve come up with some easy things you can do to increase your self-love on Valentine’s Day (or honestly whenever.) Whether you’re going solo this V-Day or you’ve got a hot date, you can incorporate some of these tips to feel more confident and kickass like the goddess (or god!) you are!

how to celebrate self-love on valentine's day

1. Pamper yourself.

This one probably seems like a no-brainer, but having a good pamper session always makes me feel a million times more confident. Baths are great because you have no choice but to get nekkid and confront your bod exactly the way it is. Plus, adding a bath bomb will have you smelling super nice for the rest of the night! I also love a good face mask – if you’re in a pinch, literally just slather organic raw honey all over your face. It’s a natural anti-bacterial and humectant, so you’ll be moisturized AND spot-free. Win/win, right? Finish off your pamper routine by giving yourself a mani-pedi and putting on some lotion to get those baby dolphin legs. You’ll feel soothed and super sexy, so it’s the perfect way to prep for a night out OR get cozy for a night in!

2. Exercise.

I know what you’re thinking – this from the girl whose idea of a workout is going to the kitchen for a vino refill? I hate exercising SO much, honestly, so I understand if you’re making a face at me right now. The sweat! The sore muscles! I do it anyway, I just grunt and groan the whole time. But honestly, exercise is a powerful form of self-love. No matter your fitness level or capabilities, it’s a great way to celebrate all of the amazing things your body can do. Plus, a good sweat sesh means you can eat twice the candy later. Right? That’s how that works??

3. Nurture yourself.

I’m going to preface this by saying that I am not a “your body is a temple” type of gal. I’m all about healthy eating, but I think there needs to be a balance. Sometimes you gotta have the pizza, you know? So when I say “nurture yourself,” I’m not telling you to get a green juice and call it a day. I’m saying you gotta eat what you truly want, body AND soul. If you’ve been eyeing those chocolates all day long, eat the chocolates! If you know a salad will make you feel amazing, eat the salad! If you’ve been absolutely dying to try one of those new sizes of Big Mac they just rolled out, go for it. Eat whatever will make you feel truly satisfied, but – BUT – do this mindfully. Don’t just inhale your food, really savor all of the flavors and take your time with it. That’s probably the best way to avoid stuffing yourself and feeling like crap later, because take it from one who knows, eating an ENTIRE PIZZA ALONE does not make you feel like a sex goddess.

radical self-love
(also, I highly recommend this book – there are some seriously amazing tips in here.)

4. Buy yourself something sexy for this moment.

Part of loving yourself is to love yourself as you are right now. That’s so hard for a lot of us because we KNOW that if we just lost those extra pounds or kept up with our yoga practice or ran a 5k, we’d have the body of our dreams… Maybe that’s true and maybe it is your goal to lose weight or get in shape (or gain weight to nab yourself some curves), but friends, that journey is a long one. It doesn’t matter if you’ve gained weight or lost weight and are nowhere near your goal, you deserve to feel sexy and confident RIGHT NOW. I finally gave in and bought a cute pair of jeans in a size up from what I usually wear because I gained a TON of weight over the holidays, and while I want to lose that weight, squeezing into too-small jeans is a CONSTANT reminder of how uncomfortable I feel in my skin. It’s not admitting to “failure” or whatever if you buy clothes that fit your current body. You’ll feel so much better wearing clothes you love, and you should have at least one outfit you feel fabulous in no matter how far you might be from your goal body. Even if you’re not going anywhere, wear that sexy stuff and make yourself feel great! Honestly there’s just some magical thing that happens when you change out of your pajamas and into real clothes. Plus, if the fire alarm goes off you don’t have to worry about standing in your building’s parking lot in naught but a ratty bathrobe. (Been there.)

5. Be kind.

This is the hardest one of all but the most important. Be kind to yourself. If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, think about it… would you say these things to your friend? Your sister? Even to a total stranger? Chances are, the answer is a big fat “no.” Why does a total stranger get more respect and politeness than we give ourselves? It’s hard to stop thinking negative thoughts if you’re not happy with yourself the way you are and honestly, I don’t have any 100% guaranteed method of stopping them, either. What DOES help, though, is to try and drown out the bad thoughts with positive ones. Say all the things you like about yourself out loud in front of a mirror. Tell yourself you’re beautiful, flawless, fierce, and all the things you wish you could believe about yourself. I haven’t gotten there yet, but I’ve HEARD this eventually helps. I’m still in the feeling-awkward-about-talking-to-myself phase for now.

6. Think big-picture.

In this day and age, loving yourself is an act of protest. It’s a political statement to reject the narrative society has fed you – that you’re not thin enough, curvy enough, rich enough, athletic enough, ENOUGH – and declare that you are worthy and whole exactly as you are. Companies make millions and millions of dollars off of keeping you small and making you feel bad about yourself so you buy their products. (I know I just told you to buy stuff, but you get what I mean. It’s not like we can avoid wearing clothes forever as a statement, you know?) When I’m really down, thinking about this makes me feel better – it gets me mad and helps me realize that the problem is with the system, not me. Sometimes getting out of your head and seeing the overarching problems as a whole can help break you out of the very personal criticisms we tell ourselves. Basically, STICK IT TO THE MAN.

I’m actually planning to focus heavily on the theme of self-love all throughout February, partly because it’s ~the love month~ and partly because it’s timely in my life right now, too. I have a fun DIY coming up that I can’t wait to share with you – I’ve just gotta take the pictures for it. Yeehaw!

How are you spending Valentine’s Day this year? If you’re bummed about it and need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email. I’m a good listener and I’ve been on every end of the dating spectrum so I might have some advice if you want it! <3 I hope your day is full of love and chocolates!!

- Serena Leave a comment

self-care for the holiday season

5 tips for holiday self-care

Well, the holidays are upon us. (If you’ve seen Over the Garden Wall, imagine me saying that like the crazy carriage driver barreling through the woods going “THE BEAST IS UPON ME!” If you haven’t seen Over the Garden Wall, watch it. You will love it.) Love them or hate them, I think we can all agree that this time of year gets a little stressful – family drama, politics, conflicting schedules when folks are in town, and all the cooking and cleaning that go into preparing for visitors can really wear you down after a while.

This time of year has always been really hard for me as a naturally anxious/often depressed introvert with very different political opinions than many of my family members. I know for a fact I’m not alone, and even though I’m in a way better mental space this year than I have been in the past, I’m still bracing myself for impact, if you will. I thought today I’d share a few tips for how I’m planning to deal with the holidays in the hope that they might help you, too! So without further ado, my 5 self-care tips for the holiday season…

1. Carve out some you-time

This might sound impossible, especially if your family is staying with you or you’re hosting your holiday dinner at your house, but I promise you can do it. You just need to be firm in your boundaries. Go to the store alone, take a long bath or shower alone, or lock yourself in your bedroom “for a nap” and surf the Internet for a little while. A tiny escape from the chaos will give you a chance to breathe and recharge a little before the next round of communal potato-peeling or whatever most families do this time of year. If you have too much to do to consider taking a minute off, then it’s time for #2…

2. Call in some backup

You don’t have to handle all this alone! If it’s cooking and cleaning that have you stressed, ask a friend or family member to help you out. They’ll do it – after all, it’s in their best interest if you don’t have a meltdown. Delegate some of the tasks to others, even if you feel pressured to do it all yourself. If you’re not obligated to do anything other than show up to dinner and even THAT has you buggin’ (which it probably does, if your family is a little weird) then literally call a sympathetic figure and talk it out. Chances are your friends will be able to sympathize – EVERYONE has their own version of politically-incorrect Uncle George who tries to get under their skin. Talking things out or ranting a little will help ease your personal burden a little.

3. Put your health first

With all the stress and people around this time of year, it’s pretty common to catch a cold. Take your vitamins, maybe chug an Emergen-C, and wash your hands to make sure you don’t get sick! Eat lots of fruits and vegetables to keep the colds at bay. If you do start feeling a little under the weather, don’t ignore it! Start treating it right away, whether conventional medicine is how you roll or if you’re more of a tea-and-herbs kind of person (or a mix of both!) I ALWAYS have sinus issues around this time of year that turn into a sore throat situation, so decongestent + eucalyptus essential oil (or some equivalent) + hot tea + salty soup are my best friends. I also can’t guarantee that this works, but I SWEAR that taking Epsom salt baths helps me get over a cold in a snap. Find a combination that works for you and nip that sickness in the bud!

5 tips for holiday self-care

4. Use your inner witch

When mundane means fail, you’ve got magic on your side! Carry crystals with you for protection – smoky quartz or obsidian to absorb negativity, for example, or amethyst to keep you calm when tensions arise. You can create a sigil for yourself with the intention of not letting the holidays get to you and draw it somewhere on your bod (or just carry it in your pocket.) A tarot reading can also help – asking the cards “how can I have the best holiday possible?” or something equally focused on the positives will give you advice on how to make it a good day no matter what.

5. Say no

Last but not least, when all other means fail, it’s okay to say no to doing things with your family. Your mental health comes first – if the thought of sitting through dinner with your relatives makes you queasy, it’s okay for you not to go or to only go for a little while. You can always fake sick if you need an excuse! That’s right, I’m advocating lies – sometimes it’s just not worth an argument, and people are not likely to argue of you say you’re not feeling well. This gets a little more complicated if you’re the one hosting dinner, but you can always say you need a bit of a lie-down when the festivities get too stressful (I am 100% guilty of going to bed at my own party before. No shame.)

So that’s how I’m planning to survive the holidays this year! I’m actually pretty excited for Thanksgiving dinner, to be honest. I used to hate every Thanksgiving food aside from mashed potatoes so it was never really that fun for me, but my tastes have grown in recent years and now I’m gonna need to eat ALL the stuffing. I hope these tips might help your holidays go a little more smoothly if you tend to struggle around this time of year!

Do you have any coping tips you’d like to share? Leave them in the comments, I’d love to hear them! <3

- Serena Leave a comment

5 tips for self-care when you’re too busy to breathe

5 tips for self-care when you're too busy to breathe

I’ll skip the long intro and just say this: We all know self-care is important. I don’t think anyone out there is arguing against taking care of yourself, and we’ve all heard how important it is to make time for self-care, even (especially) when things get busy. But what about when there IS no more time to be made? What about when looking at your to-do list makes you a little nauseous and you’re wondering if you’ll even have time to shower today?

The thing is, time is a finite resource. Sure, you might have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyonce – but Beyonce isn’t working a 9-5 office job as well as a side hustle and still having to do the grocery shopping when she’d rather sleep for a year. Real life isn’t always glamorous, and the fact of the matter is that no matter how well we budget our time, no matter how good we are at staying on top of things, sometimes shit just happens and before you know it you’re considering pulling the comforter over your head and not doing anything at all.

That’s me right now, and I tried ignoring common sense and just powering through everything even though I was running on empty, and boy, that was a mistake.

So here are my tips for self-care when you seriously just don’t have time to spare!

5 tips for self-care when you're too busy to breathe

1. Prioritize

The first step is getting real about what has to get done. Number one on your list is NOT grocery shopping or Pilates – it’s food, water, and rest. If you’re not taking care of your physical body, you’re going to burn out and probably get sick and it’s gonna be miserable all around. These things are NOT negotiable, so don’t even think about pulling all-nighters to finish your stuff. That kind of thing is okay once in a while, but not when you have a billion other things to do!! Which means you might have to…

2. Let things go

There were so many things on my to-do list this week, like doing laundry and taking pictures for the ol’ blog, that quite simply can wait until next week when I have way less going on. Sometimes you’re going to have things on your list that FEEL essential, but actually aren’t. If you’re supposed to get dinner with a friend but are just too stressed, cancel it. Your friend will understand – everyone has those weeks. Maybe instead of going to your hour-long workout class, you can save time and work out at home instead. Honestly, I called in sick to my day job today because otherwise I wouldn’t have enough time to get everything done that needs to be (and also because I have a monster cold, but that’s besides the point). My job is important, but it’s not my entire life. Really think about what’s negotiable and what isn’t, and understand that letting something go for one week doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It’s okay to drop one ball in favor of keeping the others in the air.

3. Delegate

If you’re lucky enough to live with or near people who care about you, try to delegate some of the things you need to get done. Your partner probably wouldn’t mind doing the grocery shopping, and maybe your mom could come over to help you organize the closets (my mom LOVES to help me clean my apartment because that way she knows I’m not living in squalor. Plus I always forget to dust the fan blades and she HATES that.) I had a friend who would come over and make me dinner when she knew I was low on groceries and it was so appreciated. You would help them out in a pinch, right? Don’t be afraid to ask for help, even if all that entails is letting them know you’ll be slow to respond to texts and emails for the time being. Having others help you with the little things leaves more time for you to tackle the big ones.

5 tips for self-care when you're too busy to breathe

4. Be efficient

It can be truly dizzying to think about everything you have to do in a week, but if you have a lot going on, it really helps to make a plan so that you’re not reinventing the wheel every time you do a task. For example, if you need to get chicken for dinner at the grocery store, think about what other things you might need for the week so you don’t have to go back AGAIN later in the week to get something else. If you’re writing a blog post, go ahead and pop it into your social media queues when you’re finished so you don’t have to go back to it later on. You’ll feel much less hectic tackling ALL of a task at once and crossing it off your list instead of coming back to it again and again.

5. Kill two birds with one stone 

In an ideal world, self-care would look like time set aside specifically to nourish yourself, nothing else. But when you’re busy, it’s better to take that self-care wherever you can get it than to not do it at all. For example, you’ve got to eat dinner no matter what – why not eat something delicious that you LOVE and that will boost your mood? Some nights that might be a healthy salad and some nights it might be mac and cheese – whatever your soul is craving. (I’m obviously not a dietician, but I AM a human person who knows that sometimes you just NEED CHEESE. And there’s vegan cheese out there too, so no one has to miss out on the fun!) If you have to write a paper, can you put on a face mask while you do that? You’ve gotta get some sleep – might as well mist your pillow with lavender water so that it feels super luxurious. Little mood-boosters that make you feel pampered go a long way towards keeping yourself together when you’re exhausted and stressed!

So those are my tips! What are some of your favorite ways to care for yourself when things get busy? Let me know in the comments! ♥

- Serena Leave a comment

how self-love makes for better relationships

how self-love makes for better relationships

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about love.

Last month was February and it’s pretty tough NOT to associate the whole month with Valentine’s Day and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. I read Radical Self-Love by Gala Darling (HIGHLY recommended, by the way) and when Valentine’s Day rolled around, I celebrated it for the first time with my boyfriend who I’m totally crazy about. All of these things had my gears turning about love and self-love and how they work together.

I’ve never believed that whole “you have to love yourself before someone else can love you” thing, or its cousin, “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” I mean first of all, how many people out there can actually, really say they love themselves? Self-love is a journey, and sometimes I feel like there is no actual destination – only progress. It’s hard to love yourself. We all have bad days and times when we feel like crap, times when we can’t even really say we LIKE ourselves. If self-love means arriving at a point when we can wake up every single day and look in the mirror and love what we see, I, for one, don’t know if I’ll ever get there.

But I can say that my relationships have never meant as much or been as amazing as this one is, and a big part of it is that this time I’ve started to try to get to that place of self-love.

I’ve talked a little bit about how I’ve been in a long-term relationship before. That first relationship overlapped with the darkest and very worst years of my life, years I don’t really even remember very clearly because they were shrouded in depression. I do remember the ferocity with which I did NOT love myself at the time. I hated my body, and when that wasn’t enough I started to hate other things about myself, too.

All of that’s a story in and of itself, but the short version is that because there was nothing I liked about myself, I didn’t believe there was anything my boyfriend could like about me, either. I would try my best to hide all of the ugliness away for fear he would leave me for someone better, someone naturally as perfect as I wanted to be. I would always wear makeup around him, even when I was sleeping, because I didn’t want him to see the flaws in my face. He didn’t like the things I was interested in so I stopped talking about them and I picked up his interests instead, thinking that the things I liked were embarrassing. Inevitably I would sometimes snap and all of the ugliness would come pouring out, and he was completely unprepared to deal with it. And who could blame him? While maybe I resented him a little for not being able to handle my whole self, how could I hold it against him when I had never given him my whole self to begin with?

After we broke up I went on a lot of dates with a lot of different guys. But I would do the same thing every time – always wear makeup so they never saw my flaws, hid away the majority of my personality except for the parts I thought they’d find attractive – because I didn’t think the real me was worth loving or getting to know. In doing that, I had doomed all of these relationships to fail from the very start. By not working towards loving myself, I was sabotaging these relationships before they even began.

I was frustrated with how inauthentic all of these relationships felt, but I realized it was because I wasn’t being authentic – and it wasn’t just romantic relationships, either. I would do the same thing with friends and coworkers, never being my full self because I was embarrassed about who I really was. I felt like I lacked any genuine connection with the people around me and because of it, I wasn’t getting the most out of my life. I decided to try focusing on really being me for a while and see what happened.

So I stopped hiding the things I enjoyed because I thought I should be embarrassed about them. In fact, I stopped being embarrassed all together. If I did something awkward or weird or totally ruined a moment, I thought hey, this is me. Take it or leave it. I started to fully, unashamedly embrace my weirdness. Every time I met someone new, being myself felt like issuing a challenge – can we get along if you see the real me? The answer wasn’t always yes, but I realized it was better to know up front that you can’t jive with a person than to, say, date them for five years before having it all come apart.

When my now-boyfriend and I met it was basically love at first sight – something I never believed in until it happened to me. I knew we’d be an amazing couple. But because of that, I approached this relationship completely the opposite way I’d approached all my others. I never tried to pretend I was perfect. He’s seen me without makeup and when I’m ugly crying while watching Furious 7 and when I’m having a rough day. And I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship in my life.

how self-love makes for better relationships

It’s so much more liberating to embrace your imperfections in a relationship, because do you know what? You’ll never be able to hide them forever anyway. Something will happen and your partner will see the giant zit you’ve been trying to cover, or you’ll show your stubborn side, or – god forbid – you’ll accidentally fart in front of them. These things happen to all of us because we’re all human. No one thinks, going into a relationship, that they’re dating a Barbie doll. We expect everyone to have human moments, flaws, and imperfections. The important thing is to find someone whose imperfections you can live with, so why not be up front about yours? If your partner is going to leave you because you don’t have perfect skin, wouldn’t you rather know from the start that they’re a shallow asshole rather than wearing makeup forever just to please them? It saves you so much trouble if you’re wholly yourself in a relationship – take it from a gal who hid herself away for most of her life.

That’s not to say that you should be mean and impolite and show up in dirty sweatpants to the first date. I mean, you get it. But don’t put up walls around parts of yourself thinking you’re sparing the other person from what you perceive as your flaws. I guarantee you, they’ll see them anyway – and you’ll never be able to feel truly comfortable around them if you’re always worried about whether you look good from that angle or what your bangs are doing. It’s better to find someone who loves who you are than to try to change for someone who doesn’t. And let me tell you as someone who has experienced each of these things, it is so, SO much better to be single than with someone who doesn’t love who you really are. The loneliness you feel being single is nothing compared to the loneliness you’ll feel when you’re with someone who doesn’t understand the real you.

I’ve no guarantee this relationship will last forever, because you can never guarantee that kind of thing. But if it fails at least I’ll be able to say hey, who I am didn’t work with who he is. I gave it my best shot and my whole me. Otherwise you’ll always be left wondering what would have happened if you hadn’t tried to be someone you’re not.

In the end, though, loving yourself is a lot like loving someone else. When you’re in a relationship, you don’t love everything they do. You don’t love that they take forever to text you back or that they’re always late or that they pick their toenails (I don’t know, I’m scrambling here.) But you love THEM, and you know that those things are part of them. So why can’t we love ourselves the same way? Self-love isn’t about adoring everything about yourself all the time. But it’s about accepting that your human moments are part of the package – and knowing that you have the right to have those moments. You have the right to have road rage or the world’s biggest chin pimple or hairy toes. They’re part of you just like your contagious laugh and your gorgeous eyes and your great sense of humor. It’s all part of the package.

So give self-love a try. It starts with self-acceptance. Start with the things that are easy to like about yourself. Do what makes you feel good – dress in your favorite clothes and get your nails done if that’s what makes you feel attractive, and love it. Then move on to the things you don’t like. It’s a constant journey, but I guarantee if you learn to accept yourself – the good and the bad – you will feel much more comfortable letting someone else in. After all, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one between you and yourself.

(Disclaimer: I am SO not shaming people who wear makeup or implying that they’re not being authentic. I LOVE makeup. Just do me a favor and make sure you’re wearing it for you and not for other people, okay? You’re gorgeous and I love you.)

- Serena 4 Comments

how to find more time in your day

I think anyone who works, even if they’re self-employed or work from home, could tell you that it’s really hard to balance a job and basic living and still find time for hobbies. Every New Year I find myself making promises such as “I’ll read more this year!” or “I’ll go for more walks!” but as the days go by, it’s easy to find yourself not making the changes necessary to make this happen. And sometimes it’s not easy to figure out what needs to change in the first place – you wake up, you go to work, you come home, cook dinner, and it’s practically time for bed again. How are you supposed to squeeze more stuff into your already-packed day?

This was definitely a big issue for me this month, as I had to find a way to juggle working 40 hours a week at my full-time job, looking for an apartment, packing up all of my earthly possessions and moving them into storage, growing my tarot business, blogging, and trying to still do things like exercise, run errands, and occasionally have a social life. Suffice to say, it’s been a busy month!

There’s that basic trick I was taught in college – make a schedule of your average day, marking out all of the hours from midnight till 11 pm, and fill in your commitments, coloring in the blocks of time they’d take you to complete. Then color in all of the things that AREN’T commitments but you still usually do, like watching TV or surfing the web. Sometimes this IS a really great way to see where you have free time and what things are negotiable, but what if your schedule still looks pretty booked?

I feel like I’ve found some pretty solid ways to make time for some of the basic things I see people putting off. There’s no one answer that works across the board – different things take different amounts of time, energy, and resources to get done. So let’s start by breaking down what it is you’re trying to make time for:

1. Reading

This is one I hear so often – “oh, I wish I could read more, but I just don’t have the time!” And you know, I’m guilty of saying this, too! I was such an avid bookworm in my childhood that I didn’t even notice how infrequently I read as an adult at first. The trouble with reading, for me anyway, is that you can’t multi-task while doing it – it’s so hard for me to focus on a book when I know there are a million other things I should be doing. Here are some ways I’ve found have helped me get more reading done lately!

  • Read on your lunch break: You have to eat lunch anyway, and while it’s not a great habit to eat and read at the same time, I find that this is a perfect time for me to read; there’s not much else I could be doing on my lunch break, anyway, and it’s a nice mid-day reset to take my mind off of work.
  • Read in the bath: I think the perfect way for me to unwind is to curl up in a hot bath with a good book. Leave your cell phone in another room, light some candles, and just unwind for a while! For some reason I don’t feel guilty about reading if I’m also taking a bath, because I know that the bath is doing my tired bod some good so it’s kind of killing two birds with one stone. Plus, like I talked about in my post about anxiety, it’s super hard for me to just be alone with my thoughts when I’m stressed out, so reading a book actually helps me relax more since it takes my mind off my troubles for a while!
  • Listen to audiobooks: For me, audiobooks don’t quite replace the experience of actually reading with my eyes, but they’re SO great if there’s a book I want to read in a hurry (like if the movie is about to come out or something like that!) I have so much downtime during my commute that I’d otherwise just be spending listening to the radio, so if there’s a book that’s on my list but I don’t SUPER want to read it, I’ll use something like Audible or Amazon Kindle Unlimited (you can get a 30-day free trial if you sign up through my link ;D) and just listen to it instead. It’s a great way to get the experience of the book without having to read it, and you can listen to it while you’re at the gym or doing dishes, too!

2. Exercise This is a tough one, because it’s not just a matter of making time for exercise – you have to also make time to change into workout clothes, drive to the gym (if that’s your thing), work out, then shower afterwards… It’s kind of a big time commitment and that can be overwhelming if you don’t already make a habit to include it in your schedule. Here are a few ways to make it a little easier!

  • Do a little at a time: If you don’t have time to squeeze in an hour-long exercise session all at once, do a little bit at a time! You could do a little when you wake up in the morning, a little on your lunch break, and a little before bed if you wanted to. As long as you’re gettin’ that heart rate up it’s better than nothing at all! If you’re someone who’s been put off from starting incorporating exercise into your lifestyle due to a lack of time, this might be a good way to finally get started.
  • Exercise right before you were going to shower anyway: A lot of times for me the thing that puts me off from exercise is something like “ugh, I have time to work out, but I won’t have time to shower afterwards!” The idea of sitting around sweaty isn’t a good one, nor is the idea of running errands and going places directly post-workout. If you can, plan your exercise around times when you were already planning to shower – for most people this is probably the morning or night. That way you don’t have to worry about also squeezing in shower time and you don’t have to stay sweaty!
  • Do other things while exercising to distract you: I have a confession to make: I HATE exercise. I hate it. Everyone always says “oh, you come to love it after a while, it’s like an addiction!” That never happened for me. I hate sweating, I hate exerting my muscles, I hate everything about it. The only thing that gets me through my workout routine is doing other things to distract me. I’ll be on social media on my phone, watching TV or YouTube videos, or playing cell phone games – literally anything to take my mind off the fact that my body is in motion. If you’re one of those people who loves working out, more power to you! But for my fellow lazy babes, this is seriously a game-changer. The time goes by so quickly when you’re focused on other things!
  • Buy an exercise machine: This definitely isn’t for everybody, but the $300 I dropped on an elliptical for my apartment was the best money I ever spent. I hate just about every part of going to the gym, and after work all I wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed, not go somewhere else and sweat. With the elliptical in my place, though, I COULD take some time and decompress, eat dinner, whatever, then immediately work out as soon as I was ready. I’d make a deal with myself that I could only watch TV if I was also on the elliptical and I was working out every day in no time! It seems really inconvenient and expensive to buy your own machine, but you could get one relatively cheap (even cheaper if you go to a used sporting goods store!) and you’ll find room if you have to – mine was just in my bedroom and it totally was an eyesore, but it did the trick!

3. Hobbies

How many times have you thought you might want to learn how to do something, only to never get started due to a lack of time? Or you have a hobby already, like writing, but then one day you realize it’s been weeks since you’ve actually written anything? Maybe your hobby isn’t anything that constructive – I love playing video games, for instance, and they really help me unwind! It’s hard to justify finding time for hobbies when you have a busy schedule, but it doesn’t have to be a big time commitment. Try these fixes:

  • Set weekly goals: This could be as simple as “look up art classes in my area” or as specific as “write 3000 words” (if you wanna learn more about setting and keeping goals, check out my post How to Keep Your Resolutions: 3 Steps to Success!) Even a little progress is better than none, and this is a concrete way to make sure you’re moving forward, however slowly. You can even make the goal of “play one hour of Pokemon this week” to make sure you find time to have fun!
  • Schedule it: Take a look at your schedule, whether you have a planner, use your phone, or just write down to-do lists. No matter how full it seems, chances are you have a free spot. Maybe that spot is just before bed when you usually surf the Internet or maybe you’ve only got a few minutes while dinner is cooking, but write down your hobbies on your to-do list or in your planner to be done in that amount of time. Doing this not only helps you visualize when you can work on your hobbies, but also gives them as much importance as the other things you wrote down – because hobbies ARE important, and if you neglect them you’ll feel guilty and frustrated. Move plans around if you have to, but make some time in your week for your hobbies.
  • Make it a priority: This one is easier said than done, but honestly, you have to make it a priority. I know that things like hobbies are usually the easiest to put off or cancel if you’re busy, but in the long run, as I mentioned, you’ll end up feeling unfulfilled if you don’t nurture the things you’re passionate about. Try canceling one of your other plans every once in a while, or making the next day’s dinner so that you’ll have that extra time to devote to you. Whatever you have to do, if it’s important to you, you have to treat it that way. Give your hobbies the respect they deserve.
  • Get a buddy: Finding another person to learn the hobby or to do it with you holds you accountable, but also can make it a lot more fun! Sometimes things that require practice can feel like a chore, so the time will go by faster with a friend there with you. And if it’s something like watching rom-coms or playing MMOs, making a regular hangout night with a friend to do that thing is a fun way to make sure you’re cutting loose a little.

I hope some of these tips were helpful – they’ve definitely helped me! My schedule usually looks like: daily tarot draw in the morning while waiting for my tea to cool, go to work, read on my lunch break, audiobook on my commute home, catch up on e-mails and Tumblr while dinner’s cooking, work out while browsing Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram or playing my 3DS, take a bath and read some more, and journal before bed. My boyfriend has his own business, so sometimes if I have a lot of blogging stuff to catch up on but I’d still like to see him, I’ll bring my work over to his place and we’ll just work on our own stuff together – it’s still a good way to spend time together and we can even bounce ideas off each other as we go along! Whew! It’s definitely not good to be nonstop all day every day, but sometimes when you’re super busy it feels good to still be able to do the things you like!

What do you find yourself putting off? How do you make time for it?

- Serena Leave a comment

6 ways to pamper yourself

Valentine’s Day is this Sunday! While I’m super excited about it, it might not be for the reasons you think. I’m all about self-love these days and I think you should be, too. What better day to practice it than V-Day, the holiday that’s already about all kinds of love? Whether you have a significant other or not, you can still practice these 6 ways to show yourself some love this Valentine’s Day (and every day, if you want!)

1. Take a bath

If you end up reading this blog for any length of time, you’ll soon realize that I really, really like baths. Baths are my solution for everything. Feeling sad? Take a bath! Broke your leg? Take a bath (but be sure not to get the cast wet)! Fought with your significant other? Take a bath (maybe together?)! To me, baths are the epitome of pampering. They’re great if you’re spending V-day in, but they’re also a good way to prep for a date later on! Light some candles, toss in a bath bomb, pour yourself a glass of vino (or just keep the bottle by the tub for easy access – I mean what, who does that?) and soak away your stress while reading a good book or listening to music. I sometimes use this time to catch up on YouTube videos by propping my laptop up on a chair by the tub – the sky’s the limit!

2. Do a face mask

If you have one you love already, that’s great – do it! If not, here are a few options! Raw honey is amazing if you struggle with acne – it’s a natural anti-bacterial, plus it’s a humectant which means it seals moisture in your skin. On top of that, raw honey is filled with nutrients and antioxidents that are super good for you! Make yourself a cup of tea and honey to sip on while you do it (but be sure you’re not just reaching your grubby hands into the honey jar – you’re not Winnie the Pooh!) If your skin is dry or irritated, I cannot say enough how incredible plain Greek yogurt feels on the face. It’s cooling and soothing and was my go-to when I had hella sunburn this summer. For store-bought options, my faves are this super cheap one from Queen Helene (good for unclogging pores) and this MIRACLE product from Soap and Glory – Soap And Glory The Fab Pore Facial Peel 2 In 1 Pore Purifying Mask And Peel *(I cannot say enough about this stuff. It’s a little harder to find, but my skin looks bright, fresh, and new after I use it!)

3. Eat yummy food

If there’s ever a day to indulge, it’s Valentine’s Day – I mean hello, holiday of chocolate and wine. Whatever you love to eat, have it and don’t feel guilty about it (even if it’s mozzarella sticks ON a pizza. You go live that dream. And invite me over.) Seriously, sometimes all it takes for my mood to spike through the roof is a bag of potato chips, because as much as I claim through gritted teeth that I LOVE these dried seaweed snacks that I paid too much for at Whole Foods, ya gotta give in to the cravings sometimes. (To be fair, I DO like those seaweed snacks, but when the choice is between that or some Salt n’ Vinegar chips? Come on.) Calories don’t count on Valentine’s Day, because I make the rules and I said so.

4. Watch a movie

You can do this while doing all of the other things! Some of my favorite love-y movies are Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Practical Magic (it’s not just for Halloween!), Penelope (a movie with a great message!), The Proposal (maybe I just like this because I am also an editor who loves Wuthering Heights, but it’s worth it for Ryan Reynolds shirtless, at any rate), Crazy Stupid Love, and Dan In Real Life (not your traditional romance, but adorable.)

5. Buy yourself something sexy
It doesn’t have to be lingerie (although heck yes, new lingerie! do it!) I always feel SUPER confident when I’m wearing a new outfit that I feel fab in. Even if you’re not going on a date, you can still treat yourself to something awesome – then when you DO have a date, you’ll knock it out of the park fore sure! Don’t have the budget for a brand-new outfit? I get the same thrill from a new lipstick, even one from the drugstore! This red from Revlon,*
I’m convinced, looks good on everyone and lasts ALL day. It’s always in my purse. Seriously. I’m linking to it because you’d probably gag if I took a picture of the gross one in my bag right now.

6. Indulge in a hobby

Take some time to do something you love, even if it’s something you do every other day. I find that sometimes I need a special occasion to give myself an excuse to make time for the things I care about, as sad as that is. Who has time for writing when I have a full-time job, two side hustles, a relationship, an attempted workout regimen, and the need for a shower every once in a while?! The truth is that even when I find time to dedicate to my pasisons, I never have time to tend to all of them – I love reading, writing, tarot, blogging, going for walks, watching the occasional TV show, surfing the Internet, finding cute animals to Instagram, and a whole lot of other stuff. Inevitably those get prioritized and I tend to do my favorites over and over again, while the others fall neglected to the wayside. Dedicate some time to that thing you’ve been wanting to learn but keep putting off, or that thing you know how to do but want to do more often. You’ll thank yourself later!

If you wanna buy yourself some more nice V-day-themed things, I suggest you check out my gift guide post and snag some of that stuff! I also recommend Gala Darling’s new book, Radical Self-Love: A Guide to Loving Yourself and Living Your Dreams*
– I keep talking about it because I’m only halfway through it and I’m already in LOVE.

A photo posted by ? Dana ? (@alavendermoon) on Feb 9, 2016 at 1:19pm PST

I hope you have a lovely and wonderful Valentine’s Day, and remember that love isn’t measured in flowers or boxes of chocolate. Don’t feel down if you don’t have a partner! It’s just a silly holiday, and anyway you know that I love you so we’ll just be valentines if you’re lonely, no big deal. Smooches! xx

(links marked with a * are affiliate links – they’re not sponsored, but I get paid if you buy ’em! win-win! and of course, all opinions are honest and totally my own.)

- Serena Leave a comment

serenity now: my top 12 tips for overcoming anxiety

serenity now: my top 12 tips for overcoming anxiety

I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life – I can even remember being kept awake at night as a young child, thinking about worst-case scenarios that were out of control. It only started really getting to me in recent years, though. Stress, life changes, and lack of sleep had turned a once-manageable condition into panic attacks and anxiety so strong it would prevent me from doing simple things like driving at night or going out with friends to a new place.

I had to find ways to manage my anxious moments, and while some of these tips might be the sort you see anywhere, some of them I’ve had to modify so they worked for me. Here are 12 things that I do when I’m feeling anxious or panicky, and I hope they work for you too ♥

1. Break the thought cycle by getting wrapped up in a book/movie/TV show.

Part of the reason my anxiety is so out of control is that once I start having anxious thoughts, it’s hard to stop myself! Getting lost in something entertainment is enough to give my brain a break, and I can come back to thinking about whatever I was worried about later with a clearer head.

2. Play a distracting game on your phone.

I’ve heard Neko Atsume is great for calming down, but the one I love is called 1010 – it’s like Tetris except the pieces don’t fall from the sky, you have to fit them together like a puzzle! I didn’t explain that super well, but just check it out – it’s free in the iTunes app store. I love it for taking my mind off of things.

3. Take a relaxing bath.

I love taking a bath and doing something pampering like a face mask or a manicure to calm myself down! Unfortunately, sometimes being alone in the bath with my thoughts is NOT helpful, so I usually combine this with #1 above and read or watch Netflix while I soak 🙂 Sometimes a glass of wine helps, too… but I definitely don’t encourage drinking your anxiety away – it’ll just be worse when you sober up!

4. Practice some breathing exercises.

I’ve read that if you inhale through your nose for four seconds, hold your breath for seven, and then exhale through your mouth for eight, and then repeat that a few times, it’s supposed to calm your body down. I think that you can sort of also do this by just taking deep breaths and really focusing on your breath, not the thoughts!

5. Meditation/Mindfulness

Similar to the breathing, meditation can do wonders for calming some of the physical symptoms of anxiety and panic disorder! I sometimes find it even harder than usual to meditate when my mind is whirling with anxious thoughts, but I know it works for a lot of people so I had to mention it. I have the Calm app on my phone and it’s nice for guided meditations. You could also try one of those mindfulness coloring books – I personally have this one (that’s an affiliate link, by the way) and it really does put you in sort of a calm, brain-turned-off state of mind!

6. Go for a walk outside.

Fresh air really can be a miracle worker sometimes! Not much else to say about this one 🙂

7. Take a nap.

This might not make your worries go away, but sometimes for me it serves as a reset and when I wake up I can come back to whatever I was worried about with a clear look.

8. Use some essential oils.

Whether you put some in your bath, rub them on your skin (be sure you’re using the kind that’s safe for that and you’re not allergic!) or put them in an oil burner/diffuser, there are some essential oils that are great for soothing anxiety. Lavender is of course the most well-known one, but some others are frankincense, chamomile, and ylang ylang.

9. Tidy your space.

A cluttered space can sometimes make you feel even more anxious! Tidying up always helps me relax – I can think more clearly in an organized space and the mess isn’t stressing me out.

10. Talk to a friend.

Even if I’m freaking out about nothing and I know my concerns sound silly, sometimes just talking it through with a friend is enough to calm me down! It’s like “ahh, okay, someone else knows that I’m worried about this.” It feels like you’re sharing the burden a little, and sometimes your friend can help you realize that your concerns are just your anxiety blowing things out of proportion.

11. Write it all down.

Make a list of everything you’re thinking about. This could be in journal form or bullet points, but writing down all of the worries you have helps me relax a little – it’s like I don’t have to keep those things whirling around in my brain because they’re all on paper where I can see it.

12. Make a plan.

So much of my anxiety comes from situations that feel like they’re out of my control, but what helps me a lot of the time is planning out what I would do if my worst-case scenario actually DOES happen. Finding little things I can do to eliminate risks or make things go more smoothly makes me feel less scared, and sometimes thinking “okay, so what would I do if this DOES happen?” helps me realize that really, even my worst-case scenario isn’t the end of the world!

P.S. I’m running a giveaway for a snail-mail tarot reading over on Instagram – check it out!

 How do you deal with anxiety or anxious feelings?