Beltane is tomorrow! This Sabbat isn’t one I’ve done much for in the past, but I’m so excited to celebrate this year. Beltane, also known as May Day, is a celebration of the spring and the return of the crops after a long cold spell. It’s also a festival of fertility and love, particularly the, er, physical kind. (It’s kind of a sex holiday, okay?)
I don’t know about you, but fertility is not something I’m really that concerned about at this point in my life and if you don’t have access to a Maypole, this Sabbat might fall a little flat for you. You can still celebrate in many ways, though, and I thought this would be a great day to share a recipe for a self-love bath that you can do!
Flowers are very much a symbol of Beltane and while you can really use any flowers you’d like for this bath. Roses are a good choice since they’re traditionally associated with love, but use whatever flowers are your favorite! Violets are growing like crazy in my yard this year – if you’re looking for a good way to use some of your backyard flowers, this is a great one. You can either just use the petals or gather whole flowers to float on the water – your method might depend on the type of flower that you pick.
(Note: please be sure to use flowers you’re not allergic to, and that haven’t been exposed to pesticides or other harmful chemicals!)
You will also need:
4 cups of whole milk
1 cup of Epsom salts
1/2 cup baking soda
1/2 cup honey
3-4 drops of essential oil of your choice, or enough to scent it to your liking (I like lavender in my baths for calming!)
Fill the bath with water, then add everything but the flowers and swish it around. The Epsom salts will help eliminate toxins, while the milk and baking soda will work together to soften your skin. Honey is a humectant, which means it helps to seal moisture into your skin.
After those ingredients have been combined in the bathwater, lightly float your flower petals on top of the water. With each flower or petal you add, say an affirmation out loud, such as “I am confident and strong” or “My inner beauty shines through.” You can say as many affirmations as you’d like!
Finally, hop in the tub and soak a while. You can play relaxing music and light some candles if you wish, but the point is to just disconnect from the stress and negativity of your day and really unwind. Envision the Epsom salts pulling out your negative thoughts while the other ingredients work to soothe your skin. For every flower floating in your bath, say one thing you love about yourself out loud. It’s okay if you don’t mean it yet – by saying it out loud, you make it more true.
Repeat these things over and over like a mantra until you’re ready to leave the bath. Pick the flower petals out before you drain the water so your pipes don’t get clogged, then watch the bathwater swirl down the drain, taking your negative self-talk with it. All you’re left with are the positives you instilled in yourself. Additionally, you can put on some nice lotion to finish things off.
And there you have it! I’m a big proponent of magickal baths, but especially for self-love purposes, as you sort of have to confront your nekkid self whether you like it or not.
How are you celebrating Beltane? Doing anything exciting this year? I’d love to hear all about it! ♥
Story time: I’ve always freaking loved Valentine’s Day. Pink is one of my favorite colors and chocolate is my favorite anything, so an excuse to eat candy and roll around in heart-shaped decor all day sounds just about perfect to me. I really never got why it’s a touchy day for some people, because even when I was single I was just happy to eat all the chocolates with mysterious fillings from the assortment box that everyone else was too scared to try. Valentine’s Day was the best day… until college, and the Great Breakup of 2014.
Breaking up after an almost five-year relationship sucks no matter what, but it sucks extra when it happens a mere few weeks before Valentine’s Day. Suddenly, it wasn’t about the chocolate anymore, but about the fact that I was certainly doomed to be single forever and ever and never find love again.
Things I did that Valentine’s Day: ate half a pizza, ate all the chocolate in the house, drank an entire bottle of wine, ate the other half of the pizza, third-wheeled my roommate’s Tinder date because I didn’t want to be alone, hoofed it across town in a super-short dress even though it was below zero outside, drank ALL the gin, and then posted a million smiling selfies to Facebook with my mostly-unwilling friends JUST IN CASE my ex was creeping. Because nothing says “you messed up when you left me” like getting trashed and posting the same selfie from 12 different angles, all of them showing a little too much boob.
Obviously this was not a sustainable or healthy way to spend my time. Getting all of your sense of worth from what other people think of you, especially exes, is never going to grant you lasting happiness. You have to love yourself if you want to really, truly feel sexy and secure. I know, I know – that’s easier said than done, and as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t by any means believe you need to love yourself before someone else can love you. How many of us REALLY can say we love ourselves? (I wrote a little more about this here.) I think my relationship with myself can be charitably described as more of a tolerant roommate situation than a full-on lovefest.
To help all of us get there, I’ve come up with some easy things you can do to increase your self-love on Valentine’s Day (or honestly whenever.) Whether you’re going solo this V-Day or you’ve got a hot date, you can incorporate some of these tips to feel more confident and kickass like the goddess (or god!) you are!
1. Pamper yourself.
This one probably seems like a no-brainer, but having a good pamper session always makes me feel a million times more confident. Baths are great because you have no choice but to get nekkid and confront your bod exactly the way it is. Plus, adding a bath bomb will have you smelling super nice for the rest of the night! I also love a good face mask – if you’re in a pinch, literally just slather organic raw honey all over your face. It’s a natural anti-bacterial and humectant, so you’ll be moisturized AND spot-free. Win/win, right? Finish off your pamper routine by giving yourself a mani-pedi and putting on some lotion to get those baby dolphin legs. You’ll feel soothed and super sexy, so it’s the perfect way to prep for a night out OR get cozy for a night in!
2. Exercise.
I know what you’re thinking – this from the girl whose idea of a workout is going to the kitchen for a vino refill? I hate exercising SO much, honestly, so I understand if you’re making a face at me right now. The sweat! The sore muscles! I do it anyway, I just grunt and groan the whole time. But honestly, exercise is a powerful form of self-love. No matter your fitness level or capabilities, it’s a great way to celebrate all of the amazing things your body can do. Plus, a good sweat sesh means you can eat twice the candy later. Right? That’s how that works??
3. Nurture yourself.
I’m going to preface this by saying that I am not a “your body is a temple” type of gal. I’m all about healthy eating, but I think there needs to be a balance. Sometimes you gotta have the pizza, you know? So when I say “nurture yourself,” I’m not telling you to get a green juice and call it a day. I’m saying you gotta eat what you truly want, body AND soul. If you’ve been eyeing those chocolates all day long, eat the chocolates! If you know a salad will make you feel amazing, eat the salad! If you’ve been absolutely dying to try one of those new sizes of Big Mac they just rolled out, go for it. Eat whatever will make you feel truly satisfied, but – BUT – do this mindfully. Don’t just inhale your food, really savor all of the flavors and take your time with it. That’s probably the best way to avoid stuffing yourself and feeling like crap later, because take it from one who knows, eating an ENTIRE PIZZA ALONE does not make you feel like a sex goddess.
(also, I highly recommend this book – there are some seriously amazing tips in here.)
4. Buy yourself something sexy for this moment.
Part of loving yourself is to love yourself as you are right now. That’s so hard for a lot of us because we KNOW that if we just lost those extra pounds or kept up with our yoga practice or ran a 5k, we’d have the body of our dreams… Maybe that’s true and maybe it is your goal to lose weight or get in shape (or gain weight to nab yourself some curves), but friends, that journey is a long one. It doesn’t matter if you’ve gained weight or lost weight and are nowhere near your goal, you deserve to feel sexy and confident RIGHT NOW. I finally gave in and bought a cute pair of jeans in a size up from what I usually wear because I gained a TON of weight over the holidays, and while I want to lose that weight, squeezing into too-small jeans is a CONSTANT reminder of how uncomfortable I feel in my skin. It’s not admitting to “failure” or whatever if you buy clothes that fit your current body. You’ll feel so much better wearing clothes you love, and you should have at least one outfit you feel fabulous in no matter how far you might be from your goal body. Even if you’re not going anywhere, wear that sexy stuff and make yourself feel great! Honestly there’s just some magical thing that happens when you change out of your pajamas and into real clothes. Plus, if the fire alarm goes off you don’t have to worry about standing in your building’s parking lot in naught but a ratty bathrobe. (Been there.)
5. Be kind.
This is the hardest one of all but the most important. Be kind to yourself. If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, think about it… would you say these things to your friend? Your sister? Even to a total stranger? Chances are, the answer is a big fat “no.” Why does a total stranger get more respect and politeness than we give ourselves? It’s hard to stop thinking negative thoughts if you’re not happy with yourself the way you are and honestly, I don’t have any 100% guaranteed method of stopping them, either. What DOES help, though, is to try and drown out the bad thoughts with positive ones. Say all the things you like about yourself out loud in front of a mirror. Tell yourself you’re beautiful, flawless, fierce, and all the things you wish you could believe about yourself. I haven’t gotten there yet, but I’ve HEARD this eventually helps. I’m still in the feeling-awkward-about-talking-to-myself phase for now.
6. Think big-picture.
In this day and age, loving yourself is an act of protest. It’s a political statement to reject the narrative society has fed you – that you’re not thin enough, curvy enough, rich enough, athletic enough, ENOUGH – and declare that you are worthy and whole exactly as you are. Companies make millions and millions of dollars off of keeping you small and making you feel bad about yourself so you buy their products. (I know I just told you to buy stuff, but you get what I mean. It’s not like we can avoid wearing clothes forever as a statement, you know?) When I’m really down, thinking about this makes me feel better – it gets me mad and helps me realize that the problem is with the system, not me. Sometimes getting out of your head and seeing the overarching problems as a whole can help break you out of the very personal criticisms we tell ourselves. Basically, STICK IT TO THE MAN.
I’m actually planning to focus heavily on the theme of self-love all throughout February, partly because it’s ~the love month~ and partly because it’s timely in my life right now, too. I have a fun DIY coming up that I can’t wait to share with you – I’ve just gotta take the pictures for it. Yeehaw!
How are you spending Valentine’s Day this year? If you’re bummed about it and need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email. I’m a good listener and I’ve been on every end of the dating spectrum so I might have some advice if you want it! <3 I hope your day is full of love and chocolates!!
So something I’ve talked a little about in the past is the fact that self-love has really been an ongoing journey for me. I was always the chubby kid growing up and the bullies were relentless in grade school, and that affected my self-esteem for a loooong time after that. Add to that a crappy relationship that made me feel totally crappy and issues with food and body image that sprung up in college and I can honestly say that when graduation rolled around, I was a total mess.
It was right around that time that I started really delving into my spirituality and I can honestly say, I’ve come SUCH a long way towards self-love and self-acceptance since then. While some days I really still struggle with body image and food issues, I can feel that I’m on the path to total healing and it feels amazing. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come in the past few years and who I’m turning out to be!
A few of the spiritual and self-help books I’ve encountered over the past few years have really, really changed the way I view myself. Today I’m going to walk you through the 5 books that have helped me the most with facing my demons, understanding who I am, and loving and caring for that person. (Because we can all use a little more self-love, right?)
(As always, Amazon links are affiliate links! They’re not sponsored – it just means that if you order something, I make a tiny commission at no extra cost to you. Thanks for supporting Lavender Moon ♥)
1. The Soul Searcher’s Handbook by Emma Mildon
This might seem like an odd choice to start out with, since it’s not really a self-help book, but hear me out: my healing began when I discovered that I was a spiritual person after all. For years I had completely shut down that part of myself and wrote off everything from meditation to crystals as being too ~woo~. The Soul Searcher’s Handbook breaks down a TON of different ways to be spiritual and practice spirituality, from yoga to meditation to reiki to auras and basically any kind of magical thing you see on Instagram. It ranks them on a “woo scale” from most to least woo, which made me smile – I felt that since the book was poking fun at itself a little bit, it was easier for me to take it seriously when coming from a skeptic’s point of view, kind of like “I know what you’re thinking, but hear me out.” If you’re feeling a pull towards spirituality but you aren’t sure what works for you or how to do any of it, or even if you’re just wanting to read about what all is out there, I HIGHLY recommend this book! It’s witty and well put-together and makes big concepts a lot more accessible.
2. 108 Days of Sacred by Elle North
Okay, confession time: I have never gotten through a straight 108 days using this book. I suck!! But holy crap, this book is huge and it is intense. Elle does a similar thing to the book above, where she breaks down bigger concepts like meditation and yoga into smaller chunks, but she goes a step further and gives you a different task to do each day to help you cultivate a spiritual practice in your life, in actions. The book offers space to reflect after each day’s task, and by the end of 108 days you should have a good working knowledge of yoga breathing techniques, mudras, sacred space, crystals, and so much more. I was a little skeptical of the price at first, but this book is ENORMOUS and beautifully illustrated and I’m totally and completely happy that I purchased it. One of these days I’m going to make it through all 108 in a row. One day!!
3. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
I wanted to read this book so bad that I made my whole book club read it. They all liked it though so that’s okay. I was probably the last person in the world to the Brene Brown party, but WOW does this woman get it. Daring Greatly is about the importance of being vulnerable, in your relationships, at work, in your friendships, in your parenting, and more. When I read the description I wasn’t sure how it was going to be relevant to me (“vulnerable” isn’t exactly a term I use in my everyday life) but everything she said hit SO home with me and cracked me wide freaking open. This book really helped me come to terms with a lot of aspects of my personality and understand why I’m afraid of the social interactions I’m afraid of. It helped me accept myself and understand where other people might be coming from in their own interactions – it sheds such a light on the world around you. Basically, read it. It will make you more aware of your own needs and the needs of others.
4. Radical Self-Love by Gala Darling
Once you’ve found your spiritual side and come to terms with your emotions, it’s time to get your self-love on! This book has SO many tips for how to love yourself and stay true to who you are in so many situations, from relationships to your everyday life. It tells you how to manifest the life you want and how to get past the barriers that stand in the way of you loving yourself. I really enjoy that she gives you so many little ways to practice self-love in your daily life, because sometimes it’s hard to remember to make time for it – but like anything else, practice makes perfect!
5. Goddess Revolution by Mel Wells
I might do a more in-depth review of this book later, actually. This one is the book I read most recently and the one currently rocking my world, and also the one I was the most skeptical of at the start. Basically, this is a book about why you need to stop dieting if you ever want to be at peace with yourself and with food. My weight-related issues have plagued me for YEARS and I can tell it’s going to be a long, long struggle to finally be free of them, but this book introduced me to the concept of intuitive eating and made me start paying attention to what my body REALLY wants. It also made me examine some of the fear-based behaviors I have around food, like wanting to STUFF MYSELF WITH JUNK on the weekends instead of just eating till I’m full, and I really feel like I’m on the right path. It surprised me what my body is actually craving when I think I want junk food all the time – I crave healthy food a lot more often than junk when I take the time to listen!
Basically while no one book will suddenly make you love yourself, I think that these five target important areas of your life – spirituality, nourishment, and self – and if you can try to approach those areas of your life in a wholehearted way, it makes self-love so much easier. When you feed your body what it wants and do what you can to support it, you appreciate all it does for you and you find love in that. When you accept your emotions for what they are instead of trying to fight them, you find love in all they allow you to feel and be. When you embrace your spiritual practice, you find that you are a part of something much bigger than yourself and you find love in that, too. Learning to love and embrace who you are is a seriously hard process – it’s a battle every day in this world, where everywhere you look the messages you get from society are trying to bring you down! But at the end of the day, self-love is about YOU, not about what other people think of you. As long as you’re willing to work at it, you can win. (But if you need the encouragement, just send me a message and I will compliment you till the cows come home because if you’re reading my stuff, I think you’re super rad!!)
Have you read any great books lately? Let me know in the comments, I’m always looking for more things to add to my cart on Amazon when I’ve had a little too much wine and then “accidentally” hit the checkout button read! ♥
P.S. If you’re looking for a little self-love guidance, I happen to offer a tarot reading that’s all about how to overcome your blocks and learn to love yourself in my shop! Use the code “SAMHAIN31” for 31% off until Halloween! 🙂
I’ll skip the long intro and just say this: We all know self-care is important. I don’t think anyone out there is arguing against taking care of yourself, and we’ve all heard how important it is to make time for self-care, even (especially) when things get busy. But what about when there IS no more time to be made? What about when looking at your to-do list makes you a little nauseous and you’re wondering if you’ll even have time to shower today?
The thing is, time is a finite resource. Sure, you might have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyonce – but Beyonce isn’t working a 9-5 office job as well as a side hustle and still having to do the grocery shopping when she’d rather sleep for a year. Real life isn’t always glamorous, and the fact of the matter is that no matter how well we budget our time, no matter how good we are at staying on top of things, sometimes shit just happens and before you know it you’re considering pulling the comforter over your head and not doing anything at all.
That’s me right now, and I tried ignoring common sense and just powering through everything even though I was running on empty, and boy, that was a mistake.
So here are my tips for self-care when you seriously just don’t have time to spare!
1. Prioritize
The first step is getting real about what has to get done. Number one on your list is NOT grocery shopping or Pilates – it’s food, water, and rest. If you’re not taking care of your physical body, you’re going to burn out and probably get sick and it’s gonna be miserable all around. These things are NOT negotiable, so don’t even think about pulling all-nighters to finish your stuff. That kind of thing is okay once in a while, but not when you have a billion other things to do!! Which means you might have to…
2. Let things go
There were so many things on my to-do list this week, like doing laundry and taking pictures for the ol’ blog, that quite simply can wait until next week when I have way less going on. Sometimes you’re going to have things on your list that FEEL essential, but actually aren’t. If you’re supposed to get dinner with a friend but are just too stressed, cancel it. Your friend will understand – everyone has those weeks. Maybe instead of going to your hour-long workout class, you can save time and work out at home instead. Honestly, I called in sick to my day job today because otherwise I wouldn’t have enough time to get everything done that needs to be (and also because I have a monster cold, but that’s besides the point). My job is important, but it’s not my entire life. Really think about what’s negotiable and what isn’t, and understand that letting something go for one week doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It’s okay to drop one ball in favor of keeping the others in the air.
3. Delegate
If you’re lucky enough to live with or near people who care about you, try to delegate some of the things you need to get done. Your partner probably wouldn’t mind doing the grocery shopping, and maybe your mom could come over to help you organize the closets (my mom LOVES to help me clean my apartment because that way she knows I’m not living in squalor. Plus I always forget to dust the fan blades and she HATES that.) I had a friend who would come over and make me dinner when she knew I was low on groceries and it was so appreciated. You would help them out in a pinch, right? Don’t be afraid to ask for help, even if all that entails is letting them know you’ll be slow to respond to texts and emails for the time being. Having others help you with the little things leaves more time for you to tackle the big ones.
4. Be efficient
It can be truly dizzying to think about everything you have to do in a week, but if you have a lot going on, it really helps to make a plan so that you’re not reinventing the wheel every time you do a task. For example, if you need to get chicken for dinner at the grocery store, think about what other things you might need for the week so you don’t have to go back AGAIN later in the week to get something else. If you’re writing a blog post, go ahead and pop it into your social media queues when you’re finished so you don’t have to go back to it later on. You’ll feel much less hectic tackling ALL of a task at once and crossing it off your list instead of coming back to it again and again.
5. Kill two birds with one stone
In an ideal world, self-care would look like time set aside specifically to nourish yourself, nothing else. But when you’re busy, it’s better to take that self-care wherever you can get it than to not do it at all. For example, you’ve got to eat dinner no matter what – why not eat something delicious that you LOVE and that will boost your mood? Some nights that might be a healthy salad and some nights it might be mac and cheese – whatever your soul is craving. (I’m obviously not a dietician, but I AM a human person who knows that sometimes you just NEED CHEESE. And there’s vegan cheese out there too, so no one has to miss out on the fun!) If you have to write a paper, can you put on a face mask while you do that? You’ve gotta get some sleep – might as well mist your pillow with lavender water so that it feels super luxurious. Little mood-boosters that make you feel pampered go a long way towards keeping yourself together when you’re exhausted and stressed!
So those are my tips! What are some of your favorite ways to care for yourself when things get busy? Let me know in the comments! ♥
