- Serena 6 Comments

6 ways to indulge in self-love on valentine’s day and beyond

6 ways to celebrate self-love

Story time: I’ve always freaking loved Valentine’s Day. Pink is one of my favorite colors and chocolate is my favorite anything, so an excuse to eat candy and roll around in heart-shaped decor all day sounds just about perfect to me. I really never got why it’s a touchy day for some people, because even when I was single I was just happy to eat all the chocolates with mysterious fillings from the assortment box that everyone else was too scared to try. Valentine’s Day was the best day… until college, and the Great Breakup of 2014.

Breaking up after an almost five-year relationship sucks no matter what, but it sucks extra when it happens a mere few weeks before Valentine’s Day. Suddenly, it wasn’t about the chocolate anymore, but about the fact that I was certainly doomed to be single forever and ever and never find love again.

Things I did that Valentine’s Day: ate half a pizza, ate all the chocolate in the house, drank an entire bottle of wine, ate the other half of the pizza, third-wheeled my roommate’s Tinder date because I didn’t want to be alone, hoofed it across town in a super-short dress even though it was below zero outside, drank ALL the gin, and then posted a million smiling selfies to Facebook with my mostly-unwilling friends JUST IN CASE my ex was creeping. Because nothing says “you messed up when you left me” like getting trashed and posting the same selfie from 12 different angles, all of them showing a little too much boob.

Obviously this was not a sustainable or healthy way to spend my time. Getting all of your sense of worth from what other people think of you, especially exes, is never going to grant you lasting happiness. You have to love yourself if you want to really, truly feel sexy and secure. I know, I know – that’s easier said than done, and as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t by any means believe you need to love yourself before someone else can love you. How many of us REALLY can say we love ourselves? (I wrote a little more about this here.) I think my relationship with myself can be charitably described as more of a tolerant roommate situation than a full-on lovefest.

To help all of us get there, I’ve come up with some easy things you can do to increase your self-love on Valentine’s Day (or honestly whenever.) Whether you’re going solo this V-Day or you’ve got a hot date, you can incorporate some of these tips to feel more confident and kickass like the goddess (or god!) you are!

how to celebrate self-love on valentine's day

1. Pamper yourself.

This one probably seems like a no-brainer, but having a good pamper session always makes me feel a million times more confident. Baths are great because you have no choice but to get nekkid and confront your bod exactly the way it is. Plus, adding a bath bomb will have you smelling super nice for the rest of the night! I also love a good face mask – if you’re in a pinch, literally just slather organic raw honey all over your face. It’s a natural anti-bacterial and humectant, so you’ll be moisturized AND spot-free. Win/win, right? Finish off your pamper routine by giving yourself a mani-pedi and putting on some lotion to get those baby dolphin legs. You’ll feel soothed and super sexy, so it’s the perfect way to prep for a night out OR get cozy for a night in!

2. Exercise.

I know what you’re thinking – this from the girl whose idea of a workout is going to the kitchen for a vino refill? I hate exercising SO much, honestly, so I understand if you’re making a face at me right now. The sweat! The sore muscles! I do it anyway, I just grunt and groan the whole time. But honestly, exercise is a powerful form of self-love. No matter your fitness level or capabilities, it’s a great way to celebrate all of the amazing things your body can do. Plus, a good sweat sesh means you can eat twice the candy later. Right? That’s how that works??

3. Nurture yourself.

I’m going to preface this by saying that I am not a “your body is a temple” type of gal. I’m all about healthy eating, but I think there needs to be a balance. Sometimes you gotta have the pizza, you know? So when I say “nurture yourself,” I’m not telling you to get a green juice and call it a day. I’m saying you gotta eat what you truly want, body AND soul. If you’ve been eyeing those chocolates all day long, eat the chocolates! If you know a salad will make you feel amazing, eat the salad! If you’ve been absolutely dying to try one of those new sizes of Big Mac they just rolled out, go for it. Eat whatever will make you feel truly satisfied, but – BUT – do this mindfully. Don’t just inhale your food, really savor all of the flavors and take your time with it. That’s probably the best way to avoid stuffing yourself and feeling like crap later, because take it from one who knows, eating an ENTIRE PIZZA ALONE does not make you feel like a sex goddess.

radical self-love
(also, I highly recommend this book – there are some seriously amazing tips in here.)

4. Buy yourself something sexy for this moment.

Part of loving yourself is to love yourself as you are right now. That’s so hard for a lot of us because we KNOW that if we just lost those extra pounds or kept up with our yoga practice or ran a 5k, we’d have the body of our dreams… Maybe that’s true and maybe it is your goal to lose weight or get in shape (or gain weight to nab yourself some curves), but friends, that journey is a long one. It doesn’t matter if you’ve gained weight or lost weight and are nowhere near your goal, you deserve to feel sexy and confident RIGHT NOW. I finally gave in and bought a cute pair of jeans in a size up from what I usually wear because I gained a TON of weight over the holidays, and while I want to lose that weight, squeezing into too-small jeans is a CONSTANT reminder of how uncomfortable I feel in my skin. It’s not admitting to “failure” or whatever if you buy clothes that fit your current body. You’ll feel so much better wearing clothes you love, and you should have at least one outfit you feel fabulous in no matter how far you might be from your goal body. Even if you’re not going anywhere, wear that sexy stuff and make yourself feel great! Honestly there’s just some magical thing that happens when you change out of your pajamas and into real clothes. Plus, if the fire alarm goes off you don’t have to worry about standing in your building’s parking lot in naught but a ratty bathrobe. (Been there.)

5. Be kind.

This is the hardest one of all but the most important. Be kind to yourself. If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, think about it… would you say these things to your friend? Your sister? Even to a total stranger? Chances are, the answer is a big fat “no.” Why does a total stranger get more respect and politeness than we give ourselves? It’s hard to stop thinking negative thoughts if you’re not happy with yourself the way you are and honestly, I don’t have any 100% guaranteed method of stopping them, either. What DOES help, though, is to try and drown out the bad thoughts with positive ones. Say all the things you like about yourself out loud in front of a mirror. Tell yourself you’re beautiful, flawless, fierce, and all the things you wish you could believe about yourself. I haven’t gotten there yet, but I’ve HEARD this eventually helps. I’m still in the feeling-awkward-about-talking-to-myself phase for now.

6. Think big-picture.

In this day and age, loving yourself is an act of protest. It’s a political statement to reject the narrative society has fed you – that you’re not thin enough, curvy enough, rich enough, athletic enough, ENOUGH – and declare that you are worthy and whole exactly as you are. Companies make millions and millions of dollars off of keeping you small and making you feel bad about yourself so you buy their products. (I know I just told you to buy stuff, but you get what I mean. It’s not like we can avoid wearing clothes forever as a statement, you know?) When I’m really down, thinking about this makes me feel better – it gets me mad and helps me realize that the problem is with the system, not me. Sometimes getting out of your head and seeing the overarching problems as a whole can help break you out of the very personal criticisms we tell ourselves. Basically, STICK IT TO THE MAN.

I’m actually planning to focus heavily on the theme of self-love all throughout February, partly because it’s ~the love month~ and partly because it’s timely in my life right now, too. I have a fun DIY coming up that I can’t wait to share with you – I’ve just gotta take the pictures for it. Yeehaw!

How are you spending Valentine’s Day this year? If you’re bummed about it and need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email. I’m a good listener and I’ve been on every end of the dating spectrum so I might have some advice if you want it! <3 I hope your day is full of love and chocolates!!

- Serena Leave a comment

6 ways to find inspiration when you have 0 ideas

6 ways to find inspiration when you have 0 ideas

Have you ever really wanted to get started on a project but just felt SO stuck? For me personally, there are two distinct situations when I need to hunt down a little inspiration. The first is when I’m feeling a rush of creative energy but have no idea what to pour it into, like an urge to write but no ideas (does that happen to anyone else? this happens to me ALL THE TIME.) The second is when I know I need to do things, and I might even WANT to do things, but I have 0 motivation and am completely burned out. I usually feel lost and start questioning everything I’m even doing at that point.

It can be the worst when you have the need to create, whether because you have a deadline or just because you know you love it, but are completely uninspired. Fortunately, I’ve come up with a few solid ways to get myself motivated again and maybe they’ll help you too! These are my 6 ways to get inspired when you’ve got nada. Use them in the new year to make your dreams come true, because 2016 has been a big ol’ bag of bunions.

1. Make a list of your big goals

Thinking about where I want to go and what I want to do gets me really fired up. For example, the process of writing a novel is tough, but the thought of being a published novelist? That’s exciting stuff! Sometimes remembering your ultimate goal is enough to get you excited about the little, tedious steps it takes to get there.

6 ways to find inspiration when you have 0 ideas
My little journal – it’s full of all my big goals!

2. Surround yourself by uplifting things

If I have a blank notebook in my vicinity, I WILL write in it. Sometimes objects themselves have the power to inspire us – maybe you have a favorite pen, and if you see it you’ll want to pick it up, and if you pick it up you’ll want to write with it… (If you give a mouse a cookie, right?) I have a little journal that was given to me by a good friend during a really bad week. She wrote an inspiring message on the inside about how she believes in me, and keeping that around makes me feel like I can do anything! Something that reminds you of your goals or what you love to do can get you in the mood to do the thing, even if you weren’t feeling the spark before.

3. Take a bath

Harry Potter was right. Baths really ARE an amazing place to do some thinking – there are no distractions, just you and the hot water hanging out for a while. Some of my best ideas have come to me in the bath, purely because there’s nothing to do but think. I’ve found that if I spend enough time trying to come up with an idea in an environment where that’s ALL there is to do, I’ll find one. It doesn’t have to be a bath – a long shower would work too, or sitting somewhere in nature. (It’s -1 degrees here today, though, so like, don’t die.)

4. Read something

If you want to write an amazing fantasy novel, read an amazing fantasy novel. If you want to have the world’s best wine blog, read some super cool wine blogs. Reading something that’s similar to what you want to do puts you in that headspace and can even give you new ideas! Even just scrolling through Tumblr or Pinterest can be enough to give you fresh ideas, although be careful you don’t end up just sitting on the Internet forever instead (guilty!)

6 ways to find inspiration when you have 0 ideas
Eden’s Garden stress relief + an oracle card reading = instant boost. (Deck is the Sacred Wild oracle!)

5. Remind yourself of your successes.

Sometimes it’s hard to get motivated because we feel like whatever we’re doing doesn’t matter. Sometimes when we spend so long staring at our work, we start to question it. Is this even good? Everyone else seems like they’re so much better! Well, stop right there, because from one creative to another? LITERALLY all of us feel this way at some point. I feel like crippling self-doubt is just one of the many stages of the creative process. In times like this, there’s no use reasoning with yourself that you’re actually amazing, because the brain is just not in the mood to listen. What you need instead is some solid proof! Remind yourself of your accomplishments, of times people have praised your work. If you haven’t shown it to anyone yet, now is a good time to get some feedback (and let them know you’re feeling fragile.) Hard evidence that you’re moving forward on your path is sometimes all the motivation you need to get back in the game.

6. Get back to basics

Why did you start on this path to begin with? What about your goal appealed to you? How did you feel when you first began? Try to tap into these feelings once more. A lot of times, we get so caught up in what we’re doing that we forget why we even started. And a lot of the time, we started because it was fun! Making the process fun again by taking some of the pressure off yourself and doing things you really enjoy is a great way to get inspired – just follow your inner child and you can create some really amazing things.

 Are you working on any projects right now, or getting ready to start one? I’d love to hear about it, or if you have any fun ways to find motivation! ♥
- Serena Leave a comment

self-care for the holiday season

5 tips for holiday self-care

Well, the holidays are upon us. (If you’ve seen Over the Garden Wall, imagine me saying that like the crazy carriage driver barreling through the woods going “THE BEAST IS UPON ME!” If you haven’t seen Over the Garden Wall, watch it. You will love it.) Love them or hate them, I think we can all agree that this time of year gets a little stressful – family drama, politics, conflicting schedules when folks are in town, and all the cooking and cleaning that go into preparing for visitors can really wear you down after a while.

This time of year has always been really hard for me as a naturally anxious/often depressed introvert with very different political opinions than many of my family members. I know for a fact I’m not alone, and even though I’m in a way better mental space this year than I have been in the past, I’m still bracing myself for impact, if you will. I thought today I’d share a few tips for how I’m planning to deal with the holidays in the hope that they might help you, too! So without further ado, my 5 self-care tips for the holiday season…

1. Carve out some you-time

This might sound impossible, especially if your family is staying with you or you’re hosting your holiday dinner at your house, but I promise you can do it. You just need to be firm in your boundaries. Go to the store alone, take a long bath or shower alone, or lock yourself in your bedroom “for a nap” and surf the Internet for a little while. A tiny escape from the chaos will give you a chance to breathe and recharge a little before the next round of communal potato-peeling or whatever most families do this time of year. If you have too much to do to consider taking a minute off, then it’s time for #2…

2. Call in some backup

You don’t have to handle all this alone! If it’s cooking and cleaning that have you stressed, ask a friend or family member to help you out. They’ll do it – after all, it’s in their best interest if you don’t have a meltdown. Delegate some of the tasks to others, even if you feel pressured to do it all yourself. If you’re not obligated to do anything other than show up to dinner and even THAT has you buggin’ (which it probably does, if your family is a little weird) then literally call a sympathetic figure and talk it out. Chances are your friends will be able to sympathize – EVERYONE has their own version of politically-incorrect Uncle George who tries to get under their skin. Talking things out or ranting a little will help ease your personal burden a little.

3. Put your health first

With all the stress and people around this time of year, it’s pretty common to catch a cold. Take your vitamins, maybe chug an Emergen-C, and wash your hands to make sure you don’t get sick! Eat lots of fruits and vegetables to keep the colds at bay. If you do start feeling a little under the weather, don’t ignore it! Start treating it right away, whether conventional medicine is how you roll or if you’re more of a tea-and-herbs kind of person (or a mix of both!) I ALWAYS have sinus issues around this time of year that turn into a sore throat situation, so decongestent + eucalyptus essential oil (or some equivalent) + hot tea + salty soup are my best friends. I also can’t guarantee that this works, but I SWEAR that taking Epsom salt baths helps me get over a cold in a snap. Find a combination that works for you and nip that sickness in the bud!

5 tips for holiday self-care

4. Use your inner witch

When mundane means fail, you’ve got magic on your side! Carry crystals with you for protection – smoky quartz or obsidian to absorb negativity, for example, or amethyst to keep you calm when tensions arise. You can create a sigil for yourself with the intention of not letting the holidays get to you and draw it somewhere on your bod (or just carry it in your pocket.) A tarot reading can also help – asking the cards “how can I have the best holiday possible?” or something equally focused on the positives will give you advice on how to make it a good day no matter what.

5. Say no

Last but not least, when all other means fail, it’s okay to say no to doing things with your family. Your mental health comes first – if the thought of sitting through dinner with your relatives makes you queasy, it’s okay for you not to go or to only go for a little while. You can always fake sick if you need an excuse! That’s right, I’m advocating lies – sometimes it’s just not worth an argument, and people are not likely to argue of you say you’re not feeling well. This gets a little more complicated if you’re the one hosting dinner, but you can always say you need a bit of a lie-down when the festivities get too stressful (I am 100% guilty of going to bed at my own party before. No shame.)

So that’s how I’m planning to survive the holidays this year! I’m actually pretty excited for Thanksgiving dinner, to be honest. I used to hate every Thanksgiving food aside from mashed potatoes so it was never really that fun for me, but my tastes have grown in recent years and now I’m gonna need to eat ALL the stuffing. I hope these tips might help your holidays go a little more smoothly if you tend to struggle around this time of year!

Do you have any coping tips you’d like to share? Leave them in the comments, I’d love to hear them! <3

- Serena 2 Comments

book review: goddess revolution by mel wells

goddess revolution: a book review

(Note: This post contains mention of disordered eating and weight-related body image issues. If you think this will trigger you, please don’t read this post. Take care of yourself ♥)

I found out about Goddess Revolution (affiliate link) through Instagram because I spend all of my time there like some weird Internet gremlin. I added it to my Amazon cart not really knowing much about it aside from the fact that it was probably about dieting and probably about empowerment. I was right about those things, but this book was so, so much more.

Something I don’t talk much about is the fact that I’ve struggled with disordered eating and weight-related body image issues for the past 6 years. It feels really vulnerable to talk about this because although I’ve fallen victim to some pretty terrible behaviors, I’m still overweight. In all honesty I probably will be for life – most of my family is overweight and even at my thinnest, I was still technically in the “overweight” category according to my BMI. No matter how much dieting and exercise I did, I’ve never gotten below that threshold. And even at my “healthiest,” when I worked out every day and ate right all the time, I was still obsessed with losing more weight and counting every single calorie I put into my body.

goddess-revolution

You see stories of people, especially women, who are recovering from eating disorders pretty frequently on the Internet. These women are ALL brave and beautiful and I so appreciate that they’re sharing their stories. But no one really talks about what it’s like when your “after” picture still looks like someone else’s “before.” I’m terrified to speak out about my issues or share photos of my body in case someone out there is thinking “well, she probably SHOULD skip a few meals.” Isn’t that awful? It’s so unfair how cruel the voice in our heads can be sometimes. (And to be clear, I have no health issues related to my weight. My desire to lose weight comes from an unhealthy place of wanting to be thin for thinness’s sake, not from any need to be healthier. That’s probably a key distinction to make here.)

Goddess Revolution was my first introduction to the concept of “intuitive eating,” or the idea of listening to what your body wants to eat and then having that, whether that “something” is pizza or kale. The idea is that your body actually craves exactly what it wants and needs, but we tend to ignore that inner voice in favor of imposing rules about what foods are “good” and what foods are “bad.” The strict rules we give ourselves when we go on a diet only keep us in a cage, constantly obsessing over what we can and can’t eat. When we let go of those rules and trust our bodies, we’ll get the nutrients we need and eventually our weight will settle at whatever its normal setting is supposed to be.

My first thought was that what I wanted was pizza all the time so I wasn’t sure how that was going to work out, but once I started actually paying attention I realized that wasn’t entirely true. Some days I really do crave salads and vegetables. Sometimes I crave protein, and sometimes, yes, I do want pizza. But the pizza cravings are way less than I actually thought they were, and a lot of the time if I have a craving for junk food, it’s actually something else about it that I want – like when I craved potato chips, I actually just wanted something salty and pretzels would do the same thing for me. I think starting to tune into this inner voice has already made me so much more aware of what I eat (and more importantly, how mindlessly I usually eat.) Asking myself “do I want this?” before eating has helped me realize that I have a bad habit of eating when I’m bored or stuffing myself with a food instead of stopping when I’m full. I still do these things – habits take a long time to break – but I feel like I’ve been able to make so many more good choices since I started paying attention. That little voice is getting easier and easier for me to hear.

Another important part of intuitive eating is that you have to let go of the desire to lose weight as your end goal – the goal is just to be in tune with your body and getting the nutrition you need. This is hard for me, because as someone who is already overweight, what happens if I gain more? That’s been such a pervasive fear throughout my life and it’s definitely been rearing up again lately, especially as I HAVE put on a few pounds recently (due to IGNORING my food intuition, not by listening to it.) However, knowing that I’ll only ever be free from my food obsession if I give up this goal has helped me loosen my hold on it (or its hold on me.)

Throughout the book, Mel writes with a gentle, loving, encouraging tone that made me feel for the first time that maybe I really DON’T have to feel this way forever. She shares her story and gets really personal about it, which made me feel like I could trust her – she knows exactly what I and so many other women are going through. I get triggered by “wellness”-ish stuff very easily, as it seems like so many wellness blogs and books out there are determined to tell you that everything you eat and do is wrong. But this book was so far from that. It was very much about finding a system that works for you and throwing those strict rules out the window. Mel felt like a comforting friend who’s been where you are and wants to help you, and while actually making changes in my life will take a lot of time, the concepts she brought up in this book have already changed the way I look at eating and exercise. Before, both of them were things that made me feel bad – I was always eating too much and never felt like I was working out enough. Now, though, I can see that “enough” is whatever feels right for me, not some arbitrary number. I feel like I’ve been able to forgive myself more for “slip-ups” and to realize that I can actually trust my body – it does so much for me!

Overall, if you struggle with body image issues or are constantly on one diet or another, I highly recommend this book. It was exactly what I needed to break the poisonous cycle I felt trapped in, the one that didn’t seem to have an end in sight. I know now that it’s possible to be free of these harmful behaviors and ideas I’ve had for the past few years, and I truly feel that I’m on a better path now than I’ve been in a long time! You can buy it from Amazon here, or check out your local bookstore if you’d prefer ♥

Have you ever tried “intuitive eating?” Do you struggle with stuff like this too? Let me know in the comments (or send me an email at [email protected] if you feel like the comments are too public – I’d love to hear your story!)

- Serena Leave a comment

what to do when hate wins

what to do when hate wins

I really, really didn’t want to write about the election this week. We’re all tired of reading about it and so many of us are exhausted, scared, frustrated, and just plain pissed off at the results. I didn’t want to add to that, but I think we’re all feeling a little lost right now and if there’s anything I can say that might help, I want to say it.

First of all, my friends who are PoC, women, immigrants (legal or illegal), LGBTQ+, Muslim, and anyone else who has reason to be afraid right now – I see you. I’m so sorry this country failed you. I’m so sorry we didn’t do more to make sure you were safe, but I promise we will fight for you. The majority of this country did not vote for Trump. We need to remember that this was SUCH a close race – many people voted for Hillary, many people voted third-party, and an overwhelming number of people were so disenfranchised by our political system that they didn’t vote at all. The bigots had one figure to unite them; the sensible people were split. This is not an unwinnable fight. The numbers are on our side – we just have to stand together.

Before we can do that, though, we need to take a moment to recover – to grieve, to put ourselves first, to feel all the anger and fear and hopelessness that’s sweeping half the nation right now. I’ve come up with a few ways that might help you deal if you’re overwhelmed and feeling pretty bleak right now.

1. Check out for a while

The solidarity that’s pouring out on the Internet right now is truly heartening, but social media can also act as an echo chamber in times like this – all of the emotions out there are being reflected back and forth, gaining momentum and picking up speed. For some people, venting on social media is a way to cope and that’s fine! But if you feel like the negativity is invading your news feed, it’s okay to log off for a while. Sometimes you need some distance in order to process on your own terms. It’ll all still be there waiting for you when you get back.

2. Let it all out

Scream, cry, journal like crazy, smash a plate (but not, like, an expensive plate.) Do whatever it takes to let your feelings out. Talk to a friend, rant on LiveJournal (because it’s 2006), call your mom – whatever you need to do to give voice to your feelings and let them out. I always feel better after talking to someone, but you can type it all up into a Word doc and never show anyone if that’s more your thing. The important part is that you’re acknowledging your feelings and giving yourself a way to work through them.

3. Self-care, self-care, self-care

Now more than ever, you need to practice some self-care. We all expended so much energy, effort, worry, and stress in this election cycle, and now that it’s over, we still have a long fight ahead of us. Take all the time you need to regroup. That might mean not watching the news for a few days and taking long, hot bubble baths, or escaping in a good book, or focusing on your hobbies, or turning inward and doing some soul work. Turn your brain off for a while. It’s okay to not get right back in the field – there will be time for that later. You can be a better ally, a better activist, if you’re stable and secure in your own life, so take time to sort out your personal priorities and issues that might need taking care of. Most importantly, though, take care of yourself.

4. Focus on what you can do

That’s not to say we should gloss over the horrifying implications this election has for our country and the world, but if we spend all our time on worst-case scenarios, that’s a one-way trip to hopelessness and despair. There IS hope. Focus on the ways you can make a difference, whether that’s learning how to be a better ally, how to organize a protest, causes you can donate to, or campaigns you can volunteer with. If you Google “activist organizations in (your area),” you can find some local ways to get involved with the causes you care about. This isn’t the time to give up – this is the time to push forward.

5. Be kind

So many people are suffering today. Be kind whenever you can. Find a way to find compassion for those who voted differently than you did – some of them were guided by some truly terrible ideals, but writing off half the country as monsters instead of people severely limits what we can do. We have to believe that people can change. We can’t kick out half the country. It’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling – but every person in the world can use more kindness. If you have the energy, try to spread some good.

Above all, stay safe and take care. Don’t give in to hopelessness. As terrifying and uncertain as our future is right now, things WILL get better. No one in the history of time has ever successfully stopped change. Progress is happening all the time, and this is the last stand for those who oppose it. But they won’t win. We will. We have each other and so much fierce love, and that can achieve so much more than their petty hatred ever could.

I love you and I’m here. I’m not giving up. Let’s win this thing.

- Serena 2 Comments

5 books to help you embrace your true self

5-books-to-embrace-your-true-self

So something I’ve talked a little about in the past is the fact that self-love has really been an ongoing journey for me. I was always the chubby kid growing up and the bullies were relentless in grade school, and that affected my self-esteem for a loooong time after that. Add to that a crappy relationship that made me feel totally crappy and issues with food and body image that sprung up in college and I can honestly say that when graduation rolled around, I was a total mess.

It was right around that time that I started really delving into my spirituality and I can honestly say, I’ve come SUCH a long way towards self-love and self-acceptance since then. While some days I really still struggle with body image and food issues, I can feel that I’m on the path to total healing and it feels amazing. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come in the past few years and who I’m turning out to be!

A few of the spiritual and self-help books I’ve encountered over the past few years have really, really changed the way I view myself. Today I’m going to walk you through the 5 books that have helped me the most with facing my demons, understanding who I am, and loving and caring for that person. (Because we can all use a little more self-love, right?)

(As always, Amazon links are affiliate links! They’re not sponsored – it just means that if you order something, I make a tiny commission at no extra cost to you. Thanks for supporting Lavender Moon ♥)

the-soul-searchers-handbook

1. The Soul Searcher’s Handbook by Emma Mildon

This might seem like an odd choice to start out with, since it’s not really a self-help book, but hear me out: my healing began when I discovered that I was a spiritual person after all. For years I had completely shut down that part of myself and wrote off everything from meditation to crystals as being too ~woo~. The Soul Searcher’s Handbook breaks down a TON of different ways to be spiritual and practice spirituality, from yoga to meditation to reiki to auras and basically any kind of magical thing you see on Instagram. It ranks them on a “woo scale” from most to least woo, which made me smile – I felt that since the book was poking fun at itself a little bit, it was easier for me to take it seriously when coming from a skeptic’s point of view, kind of like “I know what you’re thinking, but hear me out.” If you’re feeling a pull towards spirituality but you aren’t sure what works for you or how to do any of it, or even if you’re just wanting to read about what all is out there, I HIGHLY recommend this book! It’s witty and well put-together and makes big concepts a lot more accessible.

108-days-of-sacred-intention

2. 108 Days of Sacred by Elle North

Okay, confession time: I have never gotten through a straight 108 days using this book. I suck!! But holy crap, this book is huge and it is intense. Elle does a similar thing to the book above, where she breaks down bigger concepts like meditation and yoga into smaller chunks, but she goes a step further and gives you a different task to do each day to help you cultivate a spiritual practice in your life, in actions. The book offers space to reflect after each day’s task, and by the end of 108 days you should have a good working knowledge of yoga breathing techniques, mudras, sacred space, crystals, and so much more. I was a little skeptical of the price at first, but this book is ENORMOUS and beautifully illustrated and I’m totally and completely happy that I purchased it. One of these days I’m going to make it through all 108 in a row. One day!!

daring-greatly

3. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

I wanted to read this book so bad that I made my whole book club read it. They all liked it though so that’s okay. I was probably the last person in the world to the Brene Brown party, but WOW does this woman get it. Daring Greatly is about the importance of being vulnerable, in your relationships, at work, in your friendships, in your parenting, and more. When I read the description I wasn’t sure how it was going to be relevant to me (“vulnerable” isn’t exactly a term I use in my everyday life) but everything she said hit SO home with me and cracked me wide freaking open. This book really helped me come to terms with a lot of aspects of my personality and understand why I’m afraid of the social interactions I’m afraid of. It helped me accept myself and understand where other people might be coming from in their own interactions – it sheds such a light on the world around you. Basically, read it. It will make you more aware of your own needs and the needs of others.

radical-self-love

4. Radical Self-Love by Gala Darling

Once you’ve found your spiritual side and come to terms with your emotions, it’s time to get your self-love on! This book has SO many tips for how to love yourself and stay true to who you are in so many situations, from relationships to your everyday life. It tells you how to manifest the life you want and how to get past the barriers that stand in the way of you loving yourself. I really enjoy that she gives you so many little ways to practice self-love in your daily life, because sometimes it’s hard to remember to make time for it – but like anything else, practice makes perfect!

goddess-revolution

5. Goddess Revolution by Mel Wells

I might do a more in-depth review of this book later, actually. This one is the book I read most recently and the one currently rocking my world, and also the one I was the most skeptical of at the start. Basically, this is a book about why you need to stop dieting if you ever want to be at peace with yourself and with food. My weight-related issues have plagued me for YEARS and I can tell it’s going to be a long, long struggle to finally be free of them, but this book introduced me to the concept of intuitive eating and made me start paying attention to what my body REALLY wants. It also made me examine some of the fear-based behaviors I have around food, like wanting to STUFF MYSELF WITH JUNK on the weekends instead of just eating till I’m full, and I really feel like I’m on the right path. It surprised me what my body is actually craving when I think I want junk food all the time – I crave healthy food a lot more often than junk when I take the time to listen!

Basically while no one book will suddenly make you love yourself, I think that these five target important areas of your life – spirituality, nourishment, and self – and if you can try to approach those areas of your life in a wholehearted way, it makes self-love so much easier. When you feed your body what it wants and do what you can to support it, you appreciate all it does for you and you find love in that. When you accept your emotions for what they are instead of trying to fight them, you find love in all they allow you to feel and be. When you embrace your spiritual practice, you find that you are a part of something much bigger than yourself and you find love in that, too. Learning to love and embrace who you are is a seriously hard process – it’s a battle every day in this world, where everywhere you look the messages you get from society are trying to bring you down! But at the end of the day, self-love is about YOU, not about what other people think of you. As long as you’re willing to work at it, you can win. (But if you need the encouragement, just send me a message and I will compliment you till the cows come home because if you’re reading my stuff, I think you’re super rad!!)

spiritual-books

Have you read any great books lately? Let me know in the comments, I’m always looking for more things to add to my cart on Amazon when I’ve had a little too much wine and then “accidentally” hit the checkout button read! ♥

P.S. If you’re looking for a little self-love guidance, I happen to offer a tarot reading that’s all about how to overcome your blocks and learn to love yourself in my shop! Use the code “SAMHAIN31” for 31% off until Halloween! 🙂

- Serena Leave a comment

there is no “there”

I’ve always struggled with the phrase “it’s about the journey, not the destination.” I mean I get it – stop and smell the roses, enjoy the process, yadda yadda. But who, when going on a tropical fantasy vacation, has ever said “oh yes, this plane ride right here is where it’s at”? Who has ever been patient enough to savor the TSA patdowns and the no-liquids rule when they KNOW that sunshine and sandy beaches are just a few hours away? Let’s be real – sometimes the journey sucks. When you have a goal in mind, you want to GET THERE, whether it actually is a physical place or a state of being. Save the airline peanuts – gimme those palm trees.

Here’s the thing about me: I can’t stand being bad at something. At anything at all. This is pretty unfortunate when you consider that I AM bad at many things (cooking, every sport in existence, video games, driving and really anything else that requires fast reflexes, you get it.) I’m incredibly impatient and I’ve given up on so many big dreams because I didn’t want to put in the time it takes being bad at something in order to get good at it. I’m not interested in the journey. I want the destination and I want it NOW.

The only things I have practiced enough to get good at all happened by accident. I got good at tarot because I didn’t take it seriously when I started. I got good at doing winged eyeliner because I sure as heck wasn’t gonna leave the house without makeup on, so it had to be done. I got good at playing guitar because my parents made me practice a half hour every day even though I cried and threw tantrums and threatened to run away from home. They didn’t make me do that with the violin, which I only played for about three weeks before I got tired of how much it made my arms hurt. Or with drawing, which I gave up after sketching my first sad-looking anime eye and realizing I wasn’t immediately going to be publishing a manga. I’m not a professional ballerina because I didn’t want to be the oldest kid in the class, I’ve never learned martial arts because I didn’t want to embarass myself, and – to my constant chagrin – I’m still not a yogi because UGH, I have to actually practice if I want to be bendy. Forget it, right?

There’s two things about this. First, as you might have gathered, if I had just stuck with these things when I first started them – if I had accepted that my violin was going to sound like a drowning cat for a while, if I had recognized that this was inevitable, if I hadn’t let my weak noodle arms get me down – I’d be good at them by now. And I’d probably have killer biceps. The second thing, though, is that say I got there – say I did practice violin every day and I’m now touring the world performing for thousands of people every night. What next? Do I do nothing but play violin for the rest of my life? Do I never develop new interests or hobbies? Do I never get good at anything else?

No matter what your goal is, no matter if you reach it or not, there’s always going to be a next one. That’s a good thing! It doesn’t mean we’ll never be happy with our lives. It’s actually been scientifically proven that we, as humans, are happier when we’re striving towards a goal. But what it DOES mean is that if we’re constantly looking at the destination and lamenting the journey, we’re gonna be doing a whole lot of lamenting.

So what do we do? I’m always going to be an impatient person; you should see me waiting for the mail when I’ve got a package on the way. But the trick is to not think of it in terms of destination vs. journey. The journey, in many ways, IS the destination. Every step you take is a step towards your goal, and even if you stumble or take a step back, you don’t give up the knowledge and experience you’ve gained so far. Every time you draw one of those anime eyes, you’re better than you were the last time (thank goodness.)

Let the destination be that one step. Let your goal be to try. Don’t look at it as being bad at something – look at it as DOING something. Being bad at writing still makes you a writer. You can still call yourself a dancer if you’re a very bad dancer. And if you’re looking for permission to call yourself a tarot reader – I’m here to tell you that if you’re using those cards, even if you have to check the book every time, even if you can’t tell the Fool from the Four of Swords – you’re reading tarot. There’s no shame in being bad – we all know this, but everyone is bad at something when they first start out. The pressure you feel to be good right away is coming from your own high standards. Go ahead and claim that label for yourself. Tell any gatekeepers to kiss your buns. The only prerequisite for calling yourself a do-er is to do.

The thing is, life doesn’t end when you reach your goal. There’s no parade, no cash prize, no high-five from the universe. In fact, you might not even notice when you reach it. Maybe your goal is to save a thousand dollars and that’s pretty concrete, but how do you know when you’re finally good at something? What does it look like to “get there?” Most of the time, I think, we spend so much time trying to “get there” only to realize we’ve been chasing a rainbow. There is no “there”; there’s only life and what happens along the way. Delight in that. Be bad until you’re good. And then go ahead and be bad at something else.

- Serena Leave a comment

spring cleaning: 5 fast ways to detox for spring

spring cleaning: 5 fast ways to detox for spring

Spring officially kicks off this weekend and I can’t wait. Usually it’s my least favorite season, but this year I’m just so excited for longer days and warmer weather that I’m willing to forget about the rain and my allergies! I’ve got the shorts and cute shoes all ready and waiting for the weather to clear 70. C’mon, Chicago, you can do it! Maybe even a sunny 65? Please?

Anyway, obviously spring is the time of the year when everyone busts out the brooms and gets a-cleaning. Ideally, I’d love to take a whole weekend and get all the junk cleared out of my place, but I also have a full-time job and I have to split my weekends between chores and errands and having a social life so that’s probably not going to happen. Also I’m still not really sure what to do with the trash at my new apartment so I’ve just been subtly throwing it into this sketchy dumpster around the corner but I probably wouldn’t get away with throwing out like 10 bags of junk at once so?? Anyway, less about me being a trashlord and more about spring!!

If you want to get into a springtime state of mind but only have about an evening or less in which to do it, here are 5 fast ways to detox your life for spring!


 1. Clear a (small) space for yourself

I know, I know, I was just like “who has time for cleaning?” and now I’m telling you to clean. But don’t get out the pitchforks just yet – I don’t mean you have to clean the whole house in one night. If you could, that’s obviously best, but if you only have a half hour or so then just clear the space that you spend the most time in. For me that’s my bedroom, so it’s looking pretty clean right now even though my living room is still a mess. It’s great to tackle all of the cleaning eventually, but you’ll be way more relaxed and ready to deal with your life if you have a safe, clean space to be in when you’re at home. I’ve been reading Dana Claudat’s blog posts about how clutter interferes with just about every aspect of your life and she is SO right – clutter stresses me out even when I’m not at home, because instead of looking forward to coming home and relaxing I’m dreading coming home to dirty dishes and mostly-unpacked boxes. I took some time this week to unpack all the boxes from my bedroom and move everything else out of here, so now I can deal with the mess on my time and not have to look at it and stress about it when I’m doing other things, like working or blogging!

2. Clear the mental clutter

Next step is to get rid of the stuff that’s cluttering up your brain! Get out a notebook and a pen for this, because we are going to write stuff down. We’re writing down everything that’s on weighing heavy on our minds right now – things we’re worried about, things we’re dreading, things from five years ago that still keep us awake at night, things we’re hurt about or annoyed about and we can’t stop thinking about long enough to go to sleep at night. That sort of stuff. It doesn’t have to be any particular format, just write what you feel. Getting it out on paper means you don’t have to struggle to keep it all straight in our heads. Once you’ve got a solid list of all the crap that’s weighing you down, it’s time to organize it into two new lists: a “things I can do something about” list and a “things I can’t” list. The “things I can do something about” list is now your to-do list. Congrats! You know what needs to be done and you can start doing it so you can stop worrying about it. The “things I can’t” list might be things like pain from past relationships, worrying about getting test results back, things like that. There’s nothing much you can do about these things, but it’s good to have them all in once place anyway (and you can now worry about them safely without the additional pressure of the worries you’re currently trying to do something about.)

3. Cook some veggies

I don’t mean this in an eat-healthy sort of way (although that’s always good to!) While spring is a perfect time for a diet detox if you want to go that route, what I mean by this is to spend some time preparing some seasonal vegetables and practicing mindfulness as you do so. Really focus on the flavors of the season, the colors of the veggies, the way everything comes together to form a meal. Be in the moment – no distractions from the TV or your computer, just you (and maybe a friend or loved one) cookin’ things up. It’s a simple little way to appreciate spring and what nature does for us while getting some vitamins in, too!

4. Set some goals

Spring is the season of new beginnings and fresh starts. It’s a great time to sit down and evaluate what’s working and not working in your life right now. Where are you and where do you want to be? What ideas slowly bloomed within you during winter that you want to bring to life? It can be something as major as realizing you want a new career or as minor as deciding you’d like to take a painting class. Take some time and write down what you want, and then plan out some steps you can start taking to get there! I always feel a surge in motivation this time of year because the days are longer and I don’t feel like it’s bedtime at 4 pm anymore, so harness that new energy and use it to make stuff happen.

5. Get outside

I really feel like outdoor walks are the miracle cure for all kinds of things. Feeling bummed? Go outside! Need some time to think? Go outside! For one thing, it’s a great way to get in touch with nature and take in the warming weather. For another, though, getting outside and breathing in the fresh air really makes you feel clearer and more focused. There are tons of studies on the benefits of taking a short walk outside that I’m too lazy to research, but sometimes all it takes to revitalize and rejuvenate you is a little exposure to Mother Nature. I’d encourage you to find an outdoor space like a park or a forest preserve that you really connect with, and go there whenever you need to clear your head! Having a literal “happy place” can be all it takes to make life a little less overwhelming.

So that’s what I’ve been doing to get ready for spring! And if you’re in the southern hemisphere and it’s time for fall, honestly all of these things still apply. It’s probably a good idea to do some kind of clearing-of-the-junk every time the seasons change – it’s a good transition period!

How do you prepare for the new season? Any rituals or traditions that you do?

- Serena Leave a comment

how self-love makes for better relationships

how self-love makes for better relationships

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about love.

Last month was February and it’s pretty tough NOT to associate the whole month with Valentine’s Day and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. I read Radical Self-Love by Gala Darling (HIGHLY recommended, by the way) and when Valentine’s Day rolled around, I celebrated it for the first time with my boyfriend who I’m totally crazy about. All of these things had my gears turning about love and self-love and how they work together.

I’ve never believed that whole “you have to love yourself before someone else can love you” thing, or its cousin, “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” I mean first of all, how many people out there can actually, really say they love themselves? Self-love is a journey, and sometimes I feel like there is no actual destination – only progress. It’s hard to love yourself. We all have bad days and times when we feel like crap, times when we can’t even really say we LIKE ourselves. If self-love means arriving at a point when we can wake up every single day and look in the mirror and love what we see, I, for one, don’t know if I’ll ever get there.

But I can say that my relationships have never meant as much or been as amazing as this one is, and a big part of it is that this time I’ve started to try to get to that place of self-love.

I’ve talked a little bit about how I’ve been in a long-term relationship before. That first relationship overlapped with the darkest and very worst years of my life, years I don’t really even remember very clearly because they were shrouded in depression. I do remember the ferocity with which I did NOT love myself at the time. I hated my body, and when that wasn’t enough I started to hate other things about myself, too.

All of that’s a story in and of itself, but the short version is that because there was nothing I liked about myself, I didn’t believe there was anything my boyfriend could like about me, either. I would try my best to hide all of the ugliness away for fear he would leave me for someone better, someone naturally as perfect as I wanted to be. I would always wear makeup around him, even when I was sleeping, because I didn’t want him to see the flaws in my face. He didn’t like the things I was interested in so I stopped talking about them and I picked up his interests instead, thinking that the things I liked were embarrassing. Inevitably I would sometimes snap and all of the ugliness would come pouring out, and he was completely unprepared to deal with it. And who could blame him? While maybe I resented him a little for not being able to handle my whole self, how could I hold it against him when I had never given him my whole self to begin with?

After we broke up I went on a lot of dates with a lot of different guys. But I would do the same thing every time – always wear makeup so they never saw my flaws, hid away the majority of my personality except for the parts I thought they’d find attractive – because I didn’t think the real me was worth loving or getting to know. In doing that, I had doomed all of these relationships to fail from the very start. By not working towards loving myself, I was sabotaging these relationships before they even began.

I was frustrated with how inauthentic all of these relationships felt, but I realized it was because I wasn’t being authentic – and it wasn’t just romantic relationships, either. I would do the same thing with friends and coworkers, never being my full self because I was embarrassed about who I really was. I felt like I lacked any genuine connection with the people around me and because of it, I wasn’t getting the most out of my life. I decided to try focusing on really being me for a while and see what happened.

So I stopped hiding the things I enjoyed because I thought I should be embarrassed about them. In fact, I stopped being embarrassed all together. If I did something awkward or weird or totally ruined a moment, I thought hey, this is me. Take it or leave it. I started to fully, unashamedly embrace my weirdness. Every time I met someone new, being myself felt like issuing a challenge – can we get along if you see the real me? The answer wasn’t always yes, but I realized it was better to know up front that you can’t jive with a person than to, say, date them for five years before having it all come apart.

When my now-boyfriend and I met it was basically love at first sight – something I never believed in until it happened to me. I knew we’d be an amazing couple. But because of that, I approached this relationship completely the opposite way I’d approached all my others. I never tried to pretend I was perfect. He’s seen me without makeup and when I’m ugly crying while watching Furious 7 and when I’m having a rough day. And I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship in my life.

how self-love makes for better relationships

It’s so much more liberating to embrace your imperfections in a relationship, because do you know what? You’ll never be able to hide them forever anyway. Something will happen and your partner will see the giant zit you’ve been trying to cover, or you’ll show your stubborn side, or – god forbid – you’ll accidentally fart in front of them. These things happen to all of us because we’re all human. No one thinks, going into a relationship, that they’re dating a Barbie doll. We expect everyone to have human moments, flaws, and imperfections. The important thing is to find someone whose imperfections you can live with, so why not be up front about yours? If your partner is going to leave you because you don’t have perfect skin, wouldn’t you rather know from the start that they’re a shallow asshole rather than wearing makeup forever just to please them? It saves you so much trouble if you’re wholly yourself in a relationship – take it from a gal who hid herself away for most of her life.

That’s not to say that you should be mean and impolite and show up in dirty sweatpants to the first date. I mean, you get it. But don’t put up walls around parts of yourself thinking you’re sparing the other person from what you perceive as your flaws. I guarantee you, they’ll see them anyway – and you’ll never be able to feel truly comfortable around them if you’re always worried about whether you look good from that angle or what your bangs are doing. It’s better to find someone who loves who you are than to try to change for someone who doesn’t. And let me tell you as someone who has experienced each of these things, it is so, SO much better to be single than with someone who doesn’t love who you really are. The loneliness you feel being single is nothing compared to the loneliness you’ll feel when you’re with someone who doesn’t understand the real you.

I’ve no guarantee this relationship will last forever, because you can never guarantee that kind of thing. But if it fails at least I’ll be able to say hey, who I am didn’t work with who he is. I gave it my best shot and my whole me. Otherwise you’ll always be left wondering what would have happened if you hadn’t tried to be someone you’re not.

In the end, though, loving yourself is a lot like loving someone else. When you’re in a relationship, you don’t love everything they do. You don’t love that they take forever to text you back or that they’re always late or that they pick their toenails (I don’t know, I’m scrambling here.) But you love THEM, and you know that those things are part of them. So why can’t we love ourselves the same way? Self-love isn’t about adoring everything about yourself all the time. But it’s about accepting that your human moments are part of the package – and knowing that you have the right to have those moments. You have the right to have road rage or the world’s biggest chin pimple or hairy toes. They’re part of you just like your contagious laugh and your gorgeous eyes and your great sense of humor. It’s all part of the package.

So give self-love a try. It starts with self-acceptance. Start with the things that are easy to like about yourself. Do what makes you feel good – dress in your favorite clothes and get your nails done if that’s what makes you feel attractive, and love it. Then move on to the things you don’t like. It’s a constant journey, but I guarantee if you learn to accept yourself – the good and the bad – you will feel much more comfortable letting someone else in. After all, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one between you and yourself.

(Disclaimer: I am SO not shaming people who wear makeup or implying that they’re not being authentic. I LOVE makeup. Just do me a favor and make sure you’re wearing it for you and not for other people, okay? You’re gorgeous and I love you.)

- Serena 4 Comments

how to find more time in your day

I think anyone who works, even if they’re self-employed or work from home, could tell you that it’s really hard to balance a job and basic living and still find time for hobbies. Every New Year I find myself making promises such as “I’ll read more this year!” or “I’ll go for more walks!” but as the days go by, it’s easy to find yourself not making the changes necessary to make this happen. And sometimes it’s not easy to figure out what needs to change in the first place – you wake up, you go to work, you come home, cook dinner, and it’s practically time for bed again. How are you supposed to squeeze more stuff into your already-packed day?

This was definitely a big issue for me this month, as I had to find a way to juggle working 40 hours a week at my full-time job, looking for an apartment, packing up all of my earthly possessions and moving them into storage, growing my tarot business, blogging, and trying to still do things like exercise, run errands, and occasionally have a social life. Suffice to say, it’s been a busy month!

There’s that basic trick I was taught in college – make a schedule of your average day, marking out all of the hours from midnight till 11 pm, and fill in your commitments, coloring in the blocks of time they’d take you to complete. Then color in all of the things that AREN’T commitments but you still usually do, like watching TV or surfing the web. Sometimes this IS a really great way to see where you have free time and what things are negotiable, but what if your schedule still looks pretty booked?

I feel like I’ve found some pretty solid ways to make time for some of the basic things I see people putting off. There’s no one answer that works across the board – different things take different amounts of time, energy, and resources to get done. So let’s start by breaking down what it is you’re trying to make time for:

1. Reading

This is one I hear so often – “oh, I wish I could read more, but I just don’t have the time!” And you know, I’m guilty of saying this, too! I was such an avid bookworm in my childhood that I didn’t even notice how infrequently I read as an adult at first. The trouble with reading, for me anyway, is that you can’t multi-task while doing it – it’s so hard for me to focus on a book when I know there are a million other things I should be doing. Here are some ways I’ve found have helped me get more reading done lately!

  • Read on your lunch break: You have to eat lunch anyway, and while it’s not a great habit to eat and read at the same time, I find that this is a perfect time for me to read; there’s not much else I could be doing on my lunch break, anyway, and it’s a nice mid-day reset to take my mind off of work.
  • Read in the bath: I think the perfect way for me to unwind is to curl up in a hot bath with a good book. Leave your cell phone in another room, light some candles, and just unwind for a while! For some reason I don’t feel guilty about reading if I’m also taking a bath, because I know that the bath is doing my tired bod some good so it’s kind of killing two birds with one stone. Plus, like I talked about in my post about anxiety, it’s super hard for me to just be alone with my thoughts when I’m stressed out, so reading a book actually helps me relax more since it takes my mind off my troubles for a while!
  • Listen to audiobooks: For me, audiobooks don’t quite replace the experience of actually reading with my eyes, but they’re SO great if there’s a book I want to read in a hurry (like if the movie is about to come out or something like that!) I have so much downtime during my commute that I’d otherwise just be spending listening to the radio, so if there’s a book that’s on my list but I don’t SUPER want to read it, I’ll use something like Audible or Amazon Kindle Unlimited (you can get a 30-day free trial if you sign up through my link ;D) and just listen to it instead. It’s a great way to get the experience of the book without having to read it, and you can listen to it while you’re at the gym or doing dishes, too!

2. Exercise This is a tough one, because it’s not just a matter of making time for exercise – you have to also make time to change into workout clothes, drive to the gym (if that’s your thing), work out, then shower afterwards… It’s kind of a big time commitment and that can be overwhelming if you don’t already make a habit to include it in your schedule. Here are a few ways to make it a little easier!

  • Do a little at a time: If you don’t have time to squeeze in an hour-long exercise session all at once, do a little bit at a time! You could do a little when you wake up in the morning, a little on your lunch break, and a little before bed if you wanted to. As long as you’re gettin’ that heart rate up it’s better than nothing at all! If you’re someone who’s been put off from starting incorporating exercise into your lifestyle due to a lack of time, this might be a good way to finally get started.
  • Exercise right before you were going to shower anyway: A lot of times for me the thing that puts me off from exercise is something like “ugh, I have time to work out, but I won’t have time to shower afterwards!” The idea of sitting around sweaty isn’t a good one, nor is the idea of running errands and going places directly post-workout. If you can, plan your exercise around times when you were already planning to shower – for most people this is probably the morning or night. That way you don’t have to worry about also squeezing in shower time and you don’t have to stay sweaty!
  • Do other things while exercising to distract you: I have a confession to make: I HATE exercise. I hate it. Everyone always says “oh, you come to love it after a while, it’s like an addiction!” That never happened for me. I hate sweating, I hate exerting my muscles, I hate everything about it. The only thing that gets me through my workout routine is doing other things to distract me. I’ll be on social media on my phone, watching TV or YouTube videos, or playing cell phone games – literally anything to take my mind off the fact that my body is in motion. If you’re one of those people who loves working out, more power to you! But for my fellow lazy babes, this is seriously a game-changer. The time goes by so quickly when you’re focused on other things!
  • Buy an exercise machine: This definitely isn’t for everybody, but the $300 I dropped on an elliptical for my apartment was the best money I ever spent. I hate just about every part of going to the gym, and after work all I wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed, not go somewhere else and sweat. With the elliptical in my place, though, I COULD take some time and decompress, eat dinner, whatever, then immediately work out as soon as I was ready. I’d make a deal with myself that I could only watch TV if I was also on the elliptical and I was working out every day in no time! It seems really inconvenient and expensive to buy your own machine, but you could get one relatively cheap (even cheaper if you go to a used sporting goods store!) and you’ll find room if you have to – mine was just in my bedroom and it totally was an eyesore, but it did the trick!

3. Hobbies

How many times have you thought you might want to learn how to do something, only to never get started due to a lack of time? Or you have a hobby already, like writing, but then one day you realize it’s been weeks since you’ve actually written anything? Maybe your hobby isn’t anything that constructive – I love playing video games, for instance, and they really help me unwind! It’s hard to justify finding time for hobbies when you have a busy schedule, but it doesn’t have to be a big time commitment. Try these fixes:

  • Set weekly goals: This could be as simple as “look up art classes in my area” or as specific as “write 3000 words” (if you wanna learn more about setting and keeping goals, check out my post How to Keep Your Resolutions: 3 Steps to Success!) Even a little progress is better than none, and this is a concrete way to make sure you’re moving forward, however slowly. You can even make the goal of “play one hour of Pokemon this week” to make sure you find time to have fun!
  • Schedule it: Take a look at your schedule, whether you have a planner, use your phone, or just write down to-do lists. No matter how full it seems, chances are you have a free spot. Maybe that spot is just before bed when you usually surf the Internet or maybe you’ve only got a few minutes while dinner is cooking, but write down your hobbies on your to-do list or in your planner to be done in that amount of time. Doing this not only helps you visualize when you can work on your hobbies, but also gives them as much importance as the other things you wrote down – because hobbies ARE important, and if you neglect them you’ll feel guilty and frustrated. Move plans around if you have to, but make some time in your week for your hobbies.
  • Make it a priority: This one is easier said than done, but honestly, you have to make it a priority. I know that things like hobbies are usually the easiest to put off or cancel if you’re busy, but in the long run, as I mentioned, you’ll end up feeling unfulfilled if you don’t nurture the things you’re passionate about. Try canceling one of your other plans every once in a while, or making the next day’s dinner so that you’ll have that extra time to devote to you. Whatever you have to do, if it’s important to you, you have to treat it that way. Give your hobbies the respect they deserve.
  • Get a buddy: Finding another person to learn the hobby or to do it with you holds you accountable, but also can make it a lot more fun! Sometimes things that require practice can feel like a chore, so the time will go by faster with a friend there with you. And if it’s something like watching rom-coms or playing MMOs, making a regular hangout night with a friend to do that thing is a fun way to make sure you’re cutting loose a little.

I hope some of these tips were helpful – they’ve definitely helped me! My schedule usually looks like: daily tarot draw in the morning while waiting for my tea to cool, go to work, read on my lunch break, audiobook on my commute home, catch up on e-mails and Tumblr while dinner’s cooking, work out while browsing Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram or playing my 3DS, take a bath and read some more, and journal before bed. My boyfriend has his own business, so sometimes if I have a lot of blogging stuff to catch up on but I’d still like to see him, I’ll bring my work over to his place and we’ll just work on our own stuff together – it’s still a good way to spend time together and we can even bounce ideas off each other as we go along! Whew! It’s definitely not good to be nonstop all day every day, but sometimes when you’re super busy it feels good to still be able to do the things you like!

What do you find yourself putting off? How do you make time for it?